Time Passages

by Rev. Amari Magdalena

It seems we are closing the second decade of the 21^st century on a Ring of Fire eclipse.  Though I know time is an illusion and construct of the rational mind, I am struck by this moment.  We might say that time is the way we measure energy which is all around us all of the time. That said, in this material world we attach much to our calendars and timepieces.  And so it is that we close a period of ten years looking to the skies for answers.

Broadcasters seem to agree that it has been the best and worst of times in many ways for different people.  Some have amassed great wealth while others have experienced a shattering of the American Dream of working hard and improving their lot in life.  Poverty and Wealth have both grown somewhat more lopsided. The fabric of citizen unity has suffered rips and tears. Conversely, consciousness has risen steadily during this decade. The new birth of Earth has had its bumps.  Yet, as futurist Barbara Marx Hubbard, noted birth is not always smooth and easy.  Significant upside, we’ve connected globally through social media bringing us the world. This decade, in its close, seems to have been oppositional.  The pendulum which frequently swings to extremes has taken a sharp launch to the right and is in much need of finding middle ground.

We tend to view these passages personally and collectively.  On a personal note, I lost my last parent, four good friends, and other younger relatives. Gained three granddaughters and another grandson. Wrote and published seven books. I made four big moves: one within a state, three others to different states circling from sun to rain to sun.  I’ve held numerous ceremonies celebrating seasons and continued to teach ancient wisdom and pathways to peace.  Evidence suggests I’ve surrendered being paired.  No doubt I’ve accumulated more stuff than I now have room for and see the benefit in simplification.  Moved out of middle age into the elder realm.  Quite a passage!

Where does it leave us to acknowledge that 87,360 hours (5,252,429 minutes) have buzzed by? What do we do with this knowledge of our, and others, memories of chunks of time wrapped in ten years? How do we glean the gold from the dross and offer it to the Gods imploring them for a more promising future? In which way do we celebrate without losing the important lessons. Which Cave Center meditation will assist us in shedding what no longer serves us and igniting a torch of hope for the future?

We can make plans and temp the Gods!  We can, as Robert Kennedy said, dream dreams that never were and say why not! We can laud the young people coming up with new visions and energy to revive or planet. We can take time to smell the roses, applaud magnificent sunsets, and keep improving our ability to love without conditions while serving our fellow Earthship occupants. We can engage life and not choose to sit this one out. We can forgive and embrace forgetting. Ultimately, we can choose to find beauty each day, express gratitude, extend kind-filled acknowledgements, and enjoy this wondrous illusion. We can foster hope and continue our journeys as Peace Pilgrims until we cross the Rainbow Bridge.

Prognosticators say were headed for glory. Hallelujah! Time passages buy me a ticket on the last train home tonight!  

"You can start anew at any given moment.  Life is just the passage of time and it's up to you to pass it as you please."  Charlotte Eriksson

"The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time." James Taylor

A Sensory World

By Rev. Amari Magdalena

As I drive about at this holiday season and see all of the displays of Light and enjoy the smells of Cedar, Cinnamon, and Ginger, I am reminded of what an amazing sensory world we live in.  In the rush of our daily lives, I feel we often take our five senses for granted until some event triggers a memory or an acknowledgement.

While we have five physical senses, we’ve also a sixth sense that may or may not be well developed. Sight is a miracle for those blessed with sightedness. Our eyes are the windows to the world.  They can afford us an unparalleled vision of beauty or expose us to the worst visions of humanity.  I’ve chosen to see or seek beauty in this elder passage of my life.  If I should have negativity or worry descend, I direct my focus to beauty.  And, beauty is all around us if we just look beyond the limiting vision of our living boxes. I believe beauty is the portal to the soul.

Hearing the sounds of a beautiful symphony, lullaby or Gregorian chant can trigger a splash of positive endorphins and oxytocin hormones being released in our oft stressed systems. We hold so many memories of the music of our generation.  Music can also be cacophony and grate on our peace.  Science is now learning that even the planets and stars have a sound. Sound can open doors to new worlds, if we are willing to listen. Folks with clairaudience have fine tuned the sounds to understand messages from beyond our normal range of listening.

Touch!  So vital to newborns under all circumstances and a needed commodity throughout life. The Puritan, WASP, influence in the early founding of what we call America, led to less touch than is desirable.  As our melting pot of a country has brought peoples of all cultures, we see more touch demonstrated in some than others.  Lack of touch can lead to depression. Kinds of touch in our environment speaks volumes to our mental states: soft, soothing, harsh, rugged, etc. Touch is ultimately about connection. The more, and better quality hugs we receive, the more we feel our existence is affirmed and valued.

Smell, and all the memories associated with it, may be carried from childhood through our adulthood.  The scent of our familiar family has a long-lasting impact on our later connection with people who enter our lives.  We do not all smell alike. Mother’s bond with their newly born infants through smell-they smell like the mother. Scents can enhance our natural smell or repulse others.  Scent sensitivities are growing as natural ones are replaced with chemicals. Even our mental outlook can be impacted by smell.  Surrounding our homes with scents that speak to us in a most positive way, can be uplifting.

Taste, and our culinary preferences, have evolved into an entire smorgasbord of foodie industries. We equate taste with other aspects of life also.  We might say an interaction left a bad taste in our mouths.  Conversely, we exclaim, “Yum!” at a great experience or culinary delight. Another expression of taste is with a value judgment-good taste or poor taste in friendships, home décor, etc.  When our taste buds are keenly developed in all aspects of life, we tend to be more open to the new and untried. 

Development of our Sixth Sense can open a whole world beyond the material. I believe that all of us have the capacity to open that 3^rd Eye.  Much of our early conditioning impacts whether we’ll allow that awakening. When we trust that there is indeed more than what seems to be through our illusions of permanence, a wondrous world of possibility invites our tenancy. With the opening we have a foot in both worlds.

Years ago, I read in a Reader’s Digest article that listed the true capacity of our five physical senses. An example of this is: “See a small candle flame from 30 miles away on a clear, dark night.” Other examples spoke to the other senses.  Our crowded cities with overload on our natural senses have dulled most of them.  Isn’t it time to reclaim this sensory world? In wide open spaces, in nature, away from the proverbial madding crowd, we may discover a world of wonder.

I encourage us all to not depend on seasons or holidays to reawaken our senses.  Choose now to value them, activate them, and experience one of the true joys of having a human body. Add a color to your décor.  Try some new music. Add a new spice to food. Find a pleasant natural aromatherapy oil to diffuse in your living room and bedroom. Choose a new fabric in your clothing or furniture. Experience more of life! And, if you trust yourself, do something to wake up your sixth sense!  And remember, love is the poetry of the senses. (Honore de Balzac)

"Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul." Oscar Wilde

"There are four Powers: memory and intellect, desire and covetousness.  The first two are mental and the others sensual.  The three senses: sight, hearing, and smell cannot well be prevented; touch and taste not at all." Leonardo da Vinci

"Man has no Body distinct from his Soul; for that called Body is a portion of Soul discerned by the five senses, the chief inlets of Soul in this age." William Blake

Saving Humanity and the Planet

by Rev. Amari Magdalena

A wonderful Zen Buddhist Monk at CSL Las Cruces today addressed three poisons and their remedies.  He specifically mentioned: greed, hate, and delusion the cures for which are wisdom, generosity, and loving kindness. These are also referred to as non-delusion, non-attachment, and non-hatred. The latter represent wholesome factors. Right now, our world is squeezing through the center of a very tight hourglass of change as it has become top heavy with greed, hate, and delusion.  It’s a pretty painful process. Many do wish the sand  to reach the other side as time chases us.

At the risk of being redundant, may I remind us all that so many things have created this moment: political unrest; increasing poverty; disappearing niceness, moral compass, and manners; uncontrolled growth at the top tier of economics; changing weather patterns; and the ever-shifting sands of history. All empires fail and have throughout history. Power has been rested away from one group to another, repeatedly.  As the empire waned, many poisons were evidenced. 

While this feels like very bad news, one can look at it as a necessary process to foster a quantum leap in human evolution.  If we are to have a eco evolution, the human evolution must be accelerated.  Polarity and duality have no place in this process, or it will surely derail good intentions, affirmation and prayers for good, and the shreds of a humane society necessary to fuel and foster the evolution.

Delusion is but one aspect of the poison yet a very important one.  In metaphysics, along with many indigenous understandings of the corridor West, it signifies the grand delusion.  If we are to push this process through the narrows, we each will need to explore our own 7 veils of illusion* and remove them. Easier said than done, at times, yet we no longer have the luxury of holding tightly to our comfortable denusions (denial and delusions). 

As the monk said, we can no longer be satisfied with Talking our Talk; time now to Walk the Walk in real time. This requires us to wake the hell up in every given moment, not just in consciousness groups or spiritual gatherings.  As an insurance company may ask us to put a monitor on our mileage for better potential insurance rates, it is time for us to monitor our thoughts for salvation of humanity.

For several decades now many of us have gathered in consciousness groups that meet once a week or occasionally.  We come away inspired and committed to making a positive change. Some of the enthusiasm results in creating organizations for good.  That is fantastic! Yet it doesn’t solve the problem though it punctures a small hole in the back log of hourglass sand and allows a trickle to reach the new.

What then is necessary beyond continual vigilance on our thinking and exploring more avenues for change?  Finding ways to significantly get in the touch with those who are different than ourselves.  Releasing any smugness in the belief that we’re doing great good and should be receiving accolades for our efforts. Retiring the Ego.

We must include the ‘others’ that our judgment views are separate from us. We’ll need to behold the golden threads of essential light and energy that connects us all. Will it be possible to connect with everyone, perhaps not? Yet, yes, we can attempt to widen our circle of influence and levels of understanding of apparent differences.  When we have opportunity and access, we can see the Divine in those we connect with, even for brief moments.  The others, we can simply extend loving kindness to their souls.  We could even use the Shamanic Journey to connect with those that we are unable to reach in the relative world-totem to totem.

Even small acknowledgements like speaking the name of the person who is serving us, whose tag gives us that information, can be beneficial.  We can join groups that are not all espousing the very same things we are about and just be ourselves. We can ask questions in of people in the group about what they want out of life and how they see the world. Active efforts, no more exalted rhetoric, are much needed.  Stepping into another person’s moccasins, even for moments, will help us find the light connections. Releasing the concept of separate races and epidermal distinctions.

Asking ourselves in each interaction: am I being wise; am I able to be of generous service; is my attitude and behavior conveying loving kindness?  And, when those attributes are not prevalent, stop the interaction, back up and start anew.  Refrain from self-flagellation as it tends to being things back to the self and cause angst and self-judgment. Become the person of a world where everyone thrives.  Then, and only then, can the clogged sands pour effortlessly into the other side of the hourglass and save humanity and the planet.

“We must flex our heart muscles not only to include the least, the last, the lost, but also to include whomever we are currently referring to as ‘snowflake’ or ‘deplorable’ instead of God’s name for all of us which is ‘Beloved.’”  Rev. Robin Bartlett

"A Religion of Evolution: that, when all is said and done is what Man needs ever more explicitly if he is to survive and 'superlive,' as soon as he becomes conscious of his power to ultra-hominize himself and of his duty to do so." Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

*7 Veils of Illusion from Unbecoming Me: The Ultimate Shapeshifters Journey

Self-Love for Just the Way You Are

Self-Love or Self Loathing

By Rev. Amari Magdalena

If you remember Billy Joel's popular song, "Just the Way You Are," perhaps you wondered if you love yourself, just the way you are. For many, its the challenge of a lifetime.

Having been an accountant for many years, I learned early about “T” accounts.  Assets are on the left; Liabilities and balancing Owner’s Equity are on the right.  The left has to balance the right even if Owner’s Equity is negative.  Now in truth, the ideal balance sheet has a lot of assets and not too many liabilities with a positive owner’ equity.  And, so it is with our self-concept: important to recognize our assets while keeping our self-judgment and perceived liabilities under control for a positive balance.

We could also use the resume metaphor:  if we want to get the job, it is important that we put our best foot forward.  At the interview, we may be asked about our ‘shortcomings,’ and thus we need to be aware of any attributes that get in the way of our potential success for that company.

And, so it is with our self-perceptions; we can love or loathe ourselves, our choice. Which brings up this important topic.  How much do we love ourselves?  Every single person on the planet has innate gifts and also talents.  All of us also have some things that get in our way.  The recognition of both is often colored by external messages from childhood to our present adulthood.  Too many messages of deficits, may cause us to loathe more than like ourselves.  Too many messages of unearned praise, on the other hand, can lead to false self-love or narcissism.

I believe that one of the secrets of life, is learning to come to balance.  Therein, I experience contentment and can more easily tackle the inevitable challenges that a life lived offer. That said, it can be a life work that many are unable to complete and thus, in reincarnation, return to work on. It is a choice once one becomes aware of it and begins to lift the veils of illusion.

Shamanic practice offers a lovely way to facilitate finding personal balance in love and ameliorate loathing, transforming it into non-judgment and desire toward acceptance of our foibles. The Four Agreements™ addresses important awareness’s for beginning the process.  Awaken Your Inner Personas: Transform Your Life*gives important tools for working with and ultimate transformation of inner balance.

My personal story was one of finding that balance and surrendering the Drama Queen story. I’d come through riding the peaks and valleys to finding that between space of peace. Almost every day I am aware of my inner judgments and have to pause and ask myself:  “Am I playing an old tape or is my judgment still valid.” If I find validity, I can then choose to change the behavior or thought, or simply laugh at its existence lovingly. 

I’m the Queen of Calm most of the time.  Under high stress I can be taciturn or very angry.  If no one is around, I may resurrect the old habit of throwing things across the room. Pointed expletives may be heard through thin walls at those times.  When I get through with my little tantrum and take time to breathe, I’m often found laughing heartily at my outburst.  In this way, I can live with my foibles without indulging in self-loathing.  

It is my belief that our purpose on the planet is to love; how we express our love, is our work. That work begins at our home within.  If we do that work with due diligence, we can than express our love through our innate talents and abilities and complete our life journey to service.

 In Toltec Shamanism there are three paths or lessons: Awareness, Transformation, and Intent.  The latter is the Service of Love.  Completing the transformation between Self-Love and Self-Loathing becomes paramount then for our individual happiness and the planetary evolution that is now ongoing.

Doing something each day to support loving yourself reaps great rewards in your life.  The first person you may greet in the morning mirror, is you.  Smile and say, “I love you just the way you are.”  And, the next letter you write, make it a love letter to the beautiful being that you are.

"I don't like myself, I'm crazy about myself." May West

"To love yourself right now, just as you are, is to give yourself heaven.  Don't wait until you die. If you wait, you die now.  If you love, you live now." Alan Cohen

"Love yourself unconditionally, just as you love those closest to you despite their faults."  Les Brown

"If you aren't good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you'll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren't even giving to yourself." 

Barbara De Angeles

*Awaken Your Inner Personas: Transform Your Life by Amari Magdalena.  Available in paperback and eBook on Amazon and book selling locations.

Wisdom Passage of the Women of the Winter Moon

by Rev. Amari Magdalena

Some call it sage-ing to sugar-coat a passage that is unimaginable for others.  Many resort to Botox, fillers, or plastic surgery to preserve a more youthful appearance.  And, some come to peace with the effects of time delineated with lines and less elasticity of skin.

Years ago, my mother gifted me a beautiful pictorial “Wise Women.”  This book is filled with gorgeous pictures of late life women in their natural state sharing a bit of wisdom. A different kind of beauty shines through in each photograph taken by Joyce Tenneson.

Yet many days, each of us looks in the morning mirror in judgment of this wisdom passage that shows the trails and trials of our lives.  That judgment is very infrequently what others see about us.  It reflects our obsession with comparison that so fostered in a competitive society.

I once commented to a friend about my crooked fingers in a derogatory manner. She commented that she thought my hands were beautiful.  I could only see my mother’s hands bent and crooked by time and arthritis. 

While I sometimes lament letting my auburn hair turn to silver, I have come to appreciate it and how it lights up the sides of my face.  Another discovery was doing a facial recently.  With the elastic, peal off, substance applied to my face, I looked like a teenager.  My awareness then moved to how unlived that face was.  I could then see the beauty of time’s passages.  My “Howdy Doody” smile lines, I’ve come to accept, are far better than having lived a life of frowns.

Acceptance and appreciation of the face and body that time has created are where in lie wisdom. Moving away from the physical vehicle, the overarching aspect of time and grade on the planet become the sum of all our years of experience. We are the totality of all our life lessons as the decades accumulate.  We experienced the high, highs and the low, lows and everything between.  Hopefully we’ve seen some things majestic and seen birth and renewal-humans, animal, plants, and seasons.

We enter the Winter Moon with menopause.  Hot flashes are sometimes associated with bursts of energy that many women experience as the physical reproductive period surrenders to the productive period.  No more care taking as children leave the nest, spousal changes occur, and it becomes time to perhaps pick up the pieces of forgotten dreams and aspirations. We now complete the trinity of Maiden, Mother, Crone.

Once we’ve made peace with aging, reviewed the lessons of the decades, done our inner work, and are ready for the grande finale, we are set free.  Doesn’t mean that all is smooth sailing. The difference is that perhaps we can surrender more to the “just is” challenges, acquire a sense of humor about our follies, and treasure the time left to enjoy and be of service. Our body sloughing off as the years accumulate can lighten our metaphysical load and smooth our ultimate passage back to the stars from which we came.

If we are fortunate, we can share our accumulated wisdom as we pass off the baton to the generations that will follow us.  Write your story, it is a wondrous tale to tell. Perhaps you can be the stabilizing force for our grandchildren as they pass through their teens.  Until we cross that Rainbow bridge, we can live out the lives of our mothers whose time restricted them from so doing, as Gloria Steinem suggested.  Finally, we can adapt an affirmation for ease and grace, spread our wings, and let hope float up.

"The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a Woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she knows."  Audrey Hepburn

"Just because you're grown up, and then some, doesn't mean settling into the doldrums of predictability. Surprise people; surprise yourself." Victoria Moran

"The silvered glamour of the Woman of the Winter Moon may be woman in her greatest power; woman in her guise as Elemental, as Force of Nature.  This is woman to be revered.  She is a concentration of feminine wisdom gathered and concentrated over the years, blended with the astral knowledge of the soul-star, and blessed by the traditions of the Sacred Feminine that she has made herself, or resurrected from Time, and passed living, and intact, to her daughters."  
Elizabeth S. Eiler Ph.D

Pain: Finding Ways to Live with and through it.

By Rev. Amari Magdalena

Along this journey we call life, we will experience pain.  It may by physical, emotional, mental, or even spiritual.  In an average childhood, our pains may be simple scrapes and fall.  For some the pain may be quite emotional.  Some may experience mental pain from being different or having brains that function atypically from others. Spiritual pain may not be so prevalent in childhood though many people come to question the religious beliefs held by their parents.

With advancing age, I am discovering, physical pain may become an uninvited guest in a body that is succumbing to years of activity, dietary choices, and simple wear and tear.  Like our cars, parts do wear out over time.  Ancestry may be at play, climate, activities, and the unexpected become targets of our otherwise general good and earlier adult health.

Pain can be our friend, notifying us of a problem.  And, while that is a lovely philosophy, experiencing it and getting past it can be a challenge.  So, we could say, there is an upside and a downside of pain. Good that it lets us know something is amiss; not so good that we must find ways to live through it.

Personally, I’ve had pain at all levels since the early 90’s when my back required the first of several surgeries.  I’ve found ways to cope with that over the years.  Distraction was my best tool.  Hurt, do something else.  Move into a different mindset. Congratulate yourself for effectively implementing the Mind over Matter program.

That strategy held for many a year.  Often, there was another potent solution.  I found that whenever I entered a shamanic state of being while teaching, leading ceremonies, or healing others, my own pain completely abated during the sessions. Time out of mind helped.

In the past few years arthritis has grabbed a hold of me like a relentless vine.  It sneaks up in a damp climate like Japanese Kudzu that is enveloping the Southeast.  Like this plant, arthritis, spreads easily and everywhere proving triumphant against schemes to rid myself of it.  It’s humbled me and given me glimpses of severe pain that many people suffer every day with this and other health maladies.

So how does one live with this?  I can only speak for myself.  In the meantime, and the between times, I’ve come to appreciate more pain free days much more.  It forces me to be very present and live more in the now.  A good day is a Hallelujah celebration.  A not so good day, a testament of resolve to retreat, take time off, and gather strength to move through it.  Sometimes I talk to the pain to understand what warning signs it is offering me. I can affirm that this too shall pass, which I do often.

I don’t believe we can ‘walk in another person’s moccasins’ on the issue of pain.  What we can do, is be a bit more sensitive to the person experiencing it. We can hold off on recommending endless remedies and actually listen to the person and express our sorrow that they are experiencing it.  We can offer whatever help they may need.  We can give a heartfelt hug. Ultimately, we can speak up about the abysmal condition of healthcare in our country and the failure of medicine to find cures for the diseases that have garnered wealth for Big Pharma.  We can become advocates.

My siblings and I often wondered what happened to our joyful Mother who was so playful when we were growing up and became harsh, critical, and difficult.  Sadly, I now know that she became somewhat embittered by her trial of pain. I surely hope that in the wondrous ethers of weightlessness and consciousness, she is a Light being again.  I can affirm that I will not succumb to bitterness.

For those of you reading this who are in pain, I extend my deepest sympathy and empathy. I hope you will be relieved of this burden.  I extend an affirmation that non-damaging relief will meet you on the road to improved health. I send you my blessings and love.  For those reading this who are not in pain, I hope you have gained a bit of perspective.  For all, may you discover the Being underneath and reach enlightenment.

“The struggle of my life created empathy.  I could relate to pain, being abandoned, having people not love me.”  Oprah Winfrey

“To know yourself as the Being underneath the thinker, the stillness underneath the mental noise, the love and joy underneath the pain, is freedom, salvation, enlightenment.”  Eckart Tolle

Finding Our Place

Finding Our Place

By Rev. Amari Magdalena

If we are fortunate, in this world, we may find our True North; that place that best suits us.  It may be related to deep DNA, travels, or experiences.  Many of us sample different places seeking to find that special somewhere. 

When I left the desert five years ago, I thought I was complete with what I referred to as the baptism of fire.  Though I’d loved the desert climes since the first tumble weed blew across the Texas Panhandle and Butte came into view, I felt water was calling me.  My astrological chart has strong water, double Scorpio, though modified by Fire & Earth.  I also saw the water issues that I know will come into being.

It appears now that I am sated of water, at least in as much abundance as the Great Pacific Northwest enjoys.  Cactus’ call me to return.  I miss the glory of a blooming desert; the dry air; Roadrunners; other desert animals, and the smell of Sage.  My grandson used to say I smelled like sage. 

As I’ve this month made the definitive decision to return to the desert, a calmness has come over me. It feels like a resurrection of my energies.  I see this as affirmation of correct direction.  I’ve been awaiting that deep inner knowing and the nod, if you will, of Spirit saying, “Now.”

I’ve lived many places.  From the Mid-West to the Southeast, to the West and Southwest; not too much in the middle.  In reviewing my feelings about all of the lands, I kept returning to the Land of Enchantment.  From the first time I encountered New Mexico, I’ve loved it.  It’s not always been an easy love; it has its challenges as with any place, yet I return to the feeling of Madre Tierra and her call to return to the womb.

Places have their individual energies.  Some are magnetic, some electric.  Some are what I call Kodak color and some Fuji color.  I know in my soul; I prefer Fuji Color. It represents the upper Chakras; a band width I’ve been drawn to since coloring in my early childhood. I’ve never been a big fan of the lower Chakra color band though I’ve incorporated it for balance.

I come from a lineage of wanderers on both sides.  They wandered from Europe and Asia.  I’ve wandered across the country. We were not people that stayed put.  Adventure called and we said, “Yes!” Yet at this growing elder passage, there is an inner call for the place of completing earth time.  Perhaps I will still wander some in my chariot, yet ‘home’ is becoming of more import.

Though I do embrace the philosophy of being ‘on the earth,’ not ‘of the earth,’ while I’m here, I want to be in that place with which I feel the most bond.  Some physicality does dictate aspects of this, it is true. I only remember that when I’ve crossed the border into New Mexico, I’ve always gotten out and felt the Divine Feminine encircling me.  Flashbacks of other times there often abound. I’m in hopes she will embrace her prodigal daughter, this third time of returning.

If you trust yourself, you too, will find that ultimate place.  It will be seated in the depths of your soul and you will know then you are home. Faith will get you there.

“Life takes you unexpected places, love brings you home.”

“I left the light in my heart on in case you ever wanted to come home.”

“The magic thing about home is that it feels good to leave, and it feels even better to come back.”

“Home is not a place it’s a feeling.”

Allowing Ourselves to be Known

by Rev. Amari Magdalena

At a CSL service recently the director talked about respect. A lot of the talk was focused on our inner beings.  Words like honor, admiration, esteem, praise, homage, etc and trust came up.  Holding communities in respect was also a topic of discussion.  Somewhere in the talk, she mentioned “allowing ourselves to be known” and that illuminating bulb, that had become somewhat dimmed, went off in my inner knowing.

It got me assessing my own ability, or lack thereof, of allowing myself to be known at that deeper level of vulnerability.  A lot of people in my life believe they know me, at least the public me. The private me is very little known. I can see now that fact was the destruction of many of my intimate relationships.  That malady was due to trust! This is going to be a much more intimate blog, it seems. My intention is for it to perhaps spur any others, who are little known, to trust coming forward—out of isolation if you will.

If you understand childhood psychology, trust is built in the first two years.  The adult ability to be vulnerable is built on that early trust.  If you trust your early caretakers, you will most likely grow to trust others and then yourself.

From 4 to 10 months of age, my mother left me with my paternal grandparents while she moved to another state to pursue my father. He left to find better opportunities than those available in a small, insular, Michigan town. He wanted a more expansive life. Being tied down to mother and child were not in his life plan at that time of his emotionally immature twenties.  She was hell bent on forcing marriage and parenthood on him at any cost.  Not the best of motives for building a family.

When he could not escape her, or the subterfuge she created to trick him into marriage, he joined the Marines.  It was World War II and all good men were jumping on the good ship save Europe.  Mother returned for me and was forced into the workforce.  Babysitters became my substitute mother before age 2.  Mother then divorced my father and married my stepfather when I was 2 1/2. A new life began for me. They even changed my last name. My own father was kept from me, throughout my childhood by my mother and stepfather who manipulated him into allowing my adoption.

Being a stepchild is not an easy life in many cases.  Four children were born of that marriage and I became the half-sister.  Cut off from my own father by jealousy and revenge, I spent the next 17.5 years mourning over my situation as a round peg in a square hole. If I dared to mention my father, I was immediately shut down either with stories of his nonfeasance, or gratitude I should have for a stepfather. Though perhaps well meaning, I was constantly reminded of how I came to the new family and how lucky I was to be accepted. Yet, I wasn’t. 

Sensitive children absolutely know when they don’t fit in and grief becomes a lonely endeavor that is the hard shell around their innermost feelings of acceptance. Add to that, not looking much like the siblings, yet sworn not to reveal my origins, fostered isolation. The family dysfunction and violence compounded things by being forced to adhere to the oath that “what happened in the house, stayed in the house.” Secrets were a way of life which in turn developed into a lifelong hesitancy to ever just be the essential me.

I was thinking a lot about this as the director addressed respect and trust.  I could feel the many, many situations in which I hold back and keep myself somewhat separate.  Separation has been my safety. If I don’t open the flood gates and keep the rising emotional rivers sand bagged, no harm can come.

One of my lifelong refuges has been intellectualism and numbers. I could stay in my head’s safety and numbers add up.  While my creative side finally got expressed, and I did a lot of work to access feelings, there was/is still that invisible barrier to anyone getting too close.  It is like being in a room of people and you are always sitting slightly apart from everyone.  You become the proverbial island unto yourself. Islands aren’t moored as securely as most solid land masses.  They drift, sometimes float, and occasionally just disappear. 

As I sat that day in my separate island, I realized that it is about time that I allowed myself to be known!  Not as a commodity or title, as a deeply human emotional being.  In the song Something So Right are words: And, I got a wall around me that you can’t even see, takes a little time to get next to me.”  Time, I think to let someone get next to me! I hope you too, who are living behind that protection wall, will decide to crack its surface, and allow some people in!  Past time to allow ourselves to be known!

“I spent a lot of years trying to outrun or outsmart vulnerability by making things certain and definite, black and white, good and bad. My inability to lean into the discomfort of vulnerability limited the fullness of those important experiences that are wrought with uncertainty: Love, belonging, trust, joy, and creativity to name a few.” Brene Brown

“Loving can cost a lot but not loving always costs more, and those who fear to love often find that want of love is an emptiness that robs the joy from life.” Merle Shain Author “Some Men are More Perfect Than Others.”

“There can be no vulnerability without risk; there can be no community without vulnerability; there can be no peace, and ultimately no life, without community.” M. Scott Peck

Version II

Failure of Family

By Rev. Amari Magdalena          

“It takes a village to raise a child;” a saying never truer than its very need today.  I’m watching families around me succumb to the maladies of the 20^th and 21^st century’s vision of nuclear family.  And, the concept is failing miserably.  Every day we are exposed to media stories of domestic violence, child abuse, and filicide.  I don’t know about you, but I’m wondering how on earth we got here?

What I see magnified here in my visit to Southern California is clarifying my feelings.  The nuclear family is failing.  I’ve previously written about boxes and how they enclose.  Yet it's more than that.  I feel our concepts and beliefs around family are seriously skewed.  Where did we get the idea that 2 adults with any number of children would function well in an enclosed rectangular structure?  The very nature of the squares and rectangles in most homes, large and small, is encapsulating.  No one can feel a sense of freedom therein.  No matter how many glass windows one has, the result of feeling captured is the same.

Add to the above, and both adults working for survival and personal sense of achievement, and you begin to flesh out the problem.  Who’s raising the children?  Teachers, television, iPod's, computers, smart phones, other unsupervised children, babysitters, daycare, shopping malls, and the accumulation of an amazing cache of stuff! Children today spend much more time away from family connection, in general, than with their tribe.

At one time in modern life, the nuclear family included more adult occupants than two adults.  Generations often lived together, or whole families for newly immigrated people.  That, at least, gave relief to the parents of full attention and responsibility for the children.  Extended family nearby further enhanced the picture.  If grandma and grandpa lived a block or two away, children had more access to possible nurturance.  Yet even that scenario was not ideal as all were still in boxes harboring their own dysfunction.

The inheritance then became behaviors that did not result in functional adults.  These adults propagated and resulted in family trees with a slew of problems: alcoholism, drug abuse, domestic violence, sex trafficking, depression, anxiety disorders, and a plethora of yet to be diagnosed mental challenges etc. The number of medications many young parents are on today is mind boggling.  If you take time to graph out your family tree, you may see my point. As an aside, I DO realize some of you had stellar childhoods and may not be able to relate, yet it is important that you understand the growing cancer of dysfunctional families among you.

I believe that if the human species is to survive, we must return to the concept of tribes.  Our physical structures need serious re-design.  Our neighborhoods need to develop as tribal communities devoted to the care and feeding of its inhabitants.  Huge cities need to end along with wall to wall freeways and endless shopping malls.  While technology advances us in many positive ways, it needs to be moderated in use for toddlers, children and young adults.  Education needs to return to human teaching and not depend on plasma, LED, and LCD etc.  We need to bring the human back into the development of our species.

There are many Utopian thinkers in this world.  It is time we culled their vision, listened to them, quit trying to replicate unworkable Band-Aid solutions or old unworkable moments in time like the 50’s, and envision a new world.  Let’s be brave, if it is to be the home promised is our national rhetoric.

What precipitated this tome was being immersed in a town that has grown and more than doubled since I lived here. Everywhere there are shopping malls.  Everyone is walking around with cell phones texting.  Commutes in traffic are normalizing at an hour or more. Smiles are few and far between except with clerks in stores trained to be approachable and friendly, so we are moved to purchase whether we need something or not. It’s all facade here.  Beautiful though that may be with the gleaming stores, sun and beach, it is not real.  I felt the same way almost 10 years go when I visited and was in Pacific Palisades.

Now I’m not targeting California for those of you whose feathers may be ruffled here.  Any populous state in the sunshine, tends to magnify what is not working.  Florida was the same when I lived there. Maybe cold and clouds mask some of it elsewhere; yet it is everywhere.  Denial is a luxury we cannot afford.

It is beyond time that we move past the unworkable rhetoric that most of our body politic is attempting to hypnotize us with. We need to deal with the very serious problem of failed family.  Mental, emotional and spiritual health is every bit as important as physical well-being.  Everywhere we see evidence that needs addressing.  To save the planet, we may want to think about healing its occupants so that they give the proverbial damn.  Whether you like Marianne Williamson’s bid for the presidency or not, she IS talking about the essence of our problem-Love! Let’s talk about this!

“In families you can find the source of every human drama. It is interesting because the cell of a society, the cell of a country, the cell of humanity – everything lies in the family.” Alejandro Gonzales Inarritu

“The more dysfunctional, the more family members seek to control the behavior of others.” David W. Earle

“To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life;  we must first set our hearts right.”  Confucius

Love in the Fifth Dimension

Love in the Fifth Dimension

By Rev. Amari Magdalena

Listening to Leon Russell’s, A Song for You, lyrics, “And, I love you in a place where there’s no time and space,” got me thinking.  That’s gotta be in the Fifth Dimension.  We’ve identified several types of love in our human dream:

Eros-Love of Body

Philia-Love of the Mind

Ludus-Playful Love

Pragma-Long Lasting Love

Agape-Love of the Soul

Philautia-Love of Self

Storge-Love of the Child

Hopefully, over a lifetime, we are gifted the experience of all types of love.  In sum, they cover the human journey and its evolution.  I have been, and my life is the richer for it.  I was going to say I’d missed out some on Pragma, yet I’m reminded that the two men I’ve loved the longest encompass decades.

So much capacity we innately possess to love one another, it seems. Yet so very many relationships are fractured for various and sundry reasons.  Personally, and I believe I’ve shared this before, love never dies.  Our relationships may end; the feelings of love that we held for another, do not.

That said, how would love be experienced differently in that place of no time no space dimension we’re ascending to? Scratching my head a bit at first, I got the Cosmic Aha!  There are no constructs of form.  At least the type of form we’ve become accustomed to in the physical vehicle. Love would not need definition or form in that dimension.  Love would BE the dimension.  With no necessity for duality and polarities, all constructs of other would simply vanish.

I’ve journeyed to the Fifth Dimension and lead journeys there.  My personal experience of it was much like those encountered at the end of the NDE (near death experience) tunnel.  People we’ve loved appear in wispy, undefined form-almost transparent.  I imagined if I’d reached out to touch someone, my hand would have moved through the illusion of their projection.

On psychedelic drugs, for any willing to admit indulgence, form can also disappear.  The constructs of the brain that create form, are loosened.  Love can become more evidenced, by many. Thus, the Peace, Love mantras of the 60's; a period of freedom of spirit.

It is Free Spirit that may be the term that exemplifies the fifth dimension.  No more constraints, no agendas, no terms of endearment, no competition, no jealousy or envy, nothing that smacks of separation.  Imagine for just one moment, what that might feel like.  No us. No them.

Which brings me to remark on all the vast experiences that a body allows us.  This separation thing can be daunting and yet amazing.  Form brings us beauty in multitudinous ways and demonstrations. Its very diversity enriches this separation experiment.  So I ask you, could you, would you be willing to love the now?  Appreciate the wonders of Earth possibilities?  Learn to be more Taoist by surrendering judgment like good and bad, happy and sad, etc.?  Surf your emotions? Explore your mind? Master the physical?  All without too much emphasis or grading?

Time and space may be inconvenient constructs yet in ways not all of us may be able to fathom, they are great teachers who are preparing us for the journey home.  We will all, one day, be in the Fifth Dimension.  Some perhaps sooner, others later.  No matter when, finally we will arrive at the exalted state of being, LOVE!

"Beauty is the moment when time vanishes.  Beauty is the space where eternity arises." Amit Ray, Enlightenment Step by Step

"I'm not cruisin' this opportunity in time and space for you to like or dislike my 'get-down." I'm here 'cause I'm down to get it right by the time I return to the "mothaship."  I remain a work in progress." T.F. Hodge, From Within I Rise: Spiritual Triumph Over Death and Conscious Encounters with "The Divine Presence"

"Use time and space; grow slowly into your dreams, infinity will fill you with peace." Sir Kristian Goldmund Aumann

Independence: What's It All About

By Rev. Amari Magdalena

Beyond sparklers, rockets and explosions in the July 4^th sky, just what IS independence?  To be independent is our desire to be free from outside control; not depending on another’s authority.  July 4, 1776, White America declared independence from the taxing tyranny of the British Empire. Yet, as we today know, that statement did not provide independence for captive or reservation contained people of color.  As America was colonized and populations spread westward, the cry of independence overlooked lands seized from original occupants.  Yet the cry of freedom rang at every flag rising.

Where does that leave us today?  I’ve been cogitating on that very question.  Independence today seems to mean, leave me alone so I can do whatever I want.  Want to stockpile assault weapons? No problem. Simply drag out the distorted version of the promises of the 2^nd Amendment. Want to play loud music with your windows down, oblivious to noise disturbance?  No problem, few noise abatements signage to prevent it.  Keep your neighbor, that you share thin apartments walls with, up all night as you enjoy all-night TV?  Take a judge to evict you.  Ignore the growing poverty? Turn up your subwoofer’s and deep shade your windows as you cruise in your Porsche or Mercedes Benz.  Untold ways to tune out anything but ourselves and our desires.

In the midst of our hard one independence, it seems, more and more people are depressed and feeling alone and isolated.  Countless articles are addressing this isolation.  We’ve mastered being islands unto ourselves at the expense of the collective or collaborative.  We eschew belonging; yet bite off the extended hand of inclusion.  No wonder we are collectively becoming more mentally unbalanced.

What we’ve lost in independence is the concept of Interdependence.  Tribes knew of the importance of valuing every individual.  As people were treated well and honored, they enjoyed the benefits of the tribe and clans.  Yes, no doubt survival was at the root of this brand of socializing.  Yet, today, even more our survival as a planet depends on our thinking beyond our own individual selves.  The greater good is calling us to re-embrace interdependence, planet wide.

Another aspect of independence is not understanding what it means on an individual level.  It means we must take full responsibility for all our outcomes.  No blame, no shame, no deflection, no scapegoats. Hah!  Didn’t see that one coming, did you?  No priests or politicians to wholesale give our power to.  No Momma or Papa to keep saying are the excuses for the way we are.  Having to be absolutely involved in our own survival.  All costs we shoulder.  Maybe not such a hot deal after all? 

The point of this little Independence Day tome is that it is past time to return to interdependence. Our future holds multi-family living over individual dwellings.  Economics and mental health demand that we create tribes.  Is it going to be easy or comfortable?  Probably not initially.  We love our space!  I love my space!  A necessity to conserve energy, water, land, food supplies, economic alterations, Yes.

In a political year that again the discussion of Democratic Socialism raises hackles of resistance, we cannot afford to keep denying that some form of “you are your brother’s keeper” is in the future. People were awed when Andrew Yang mentioned a country wide living wage.  Robots are more and more performing human tasks.  Robust employment will not be a future in their presence.

How do we find now a comfortable balance between independence and interdependence?  Learn to ask for help.  Open your door and walk out among people.  Engage people wherever you go.  Talk to them about the future of the planet and their vision for a global future.  Join something!  Learn excellent communication skills that you can bring to groups to deal with conflict.  Keep a global perspective along with local concerns.  Become a citizen of the world and care about the people and the planet. Take responsibility for your outcomes.  Make tough decisions. Keep faith in the ability of humanity to recognize our planetary interdependence and take steps for preservation of the Earth.  Give your egos a Golden Parachute, the gold watch, and a lovely early retirement!

As the sky fills with fireworks tomorrow evening, let the sparkles shower your consciousness with “What can I do” to make this a better place for you and me.  Love more, hate less. Say hello in there to fellow travelers on this life journey.

“The whole idea of compassion is based on a keen awareness of the interdependence of all these living beings, which are all part of one another, and all involved in one another.”  Thomas Merton

“I have an interesting perspective on depending on others.  I think it gives people a chance to serve. And I’m not so much big on independence, as I am on interdependence.  I’m not talking about co-dependency; I’m talking about giving people the opportunity to be practicing love with its sleeves rolled up.”  Joni Eareckson Tada

Interrelated Structure of Reality

By Rev. Amari Magdalena

With so much belief in separation of our realities on the planet, it seems appropriate to address our common link.  This is a talk I very often share with students and attendees at ceremonies and other events.  It is true, that we came to this plane to experience separation.  The reasoning proffered by some masters suggests the purpose of this is for soul’s growth.  Some believe, as do I, that it is expanded to include our soul group’s growth. The greater purpose is perhaps to appreciate Oneness.

I believe that the plan was that at some point, having experienced the dichotomies of separation and learned from them, we would wake up and master this human experience by walking deftly in both worlds. This has been called The Great Forgetting and, subsequently, The Great Remembering.

So much of the media reminds us of the forgetting.  That news can at times be daunting. Some choose to tune it out for their sanity.  Others mourn such a separated, and sorry, state of being. Others choose early checkout. Many throw up their hands in despair. Some say, “what the hell” and participate wholly in the separation.  The judgment as to the choice, is not ours to rule on.

What is at stake here in all of this, is losing a planet and the human experience.  It matters not which origin story you subscribe to, humans got here amidst a plethora of other species.  We are part of one kingdom.  Others include the Mineral Kingdom, Plant Kingdom, and the Animal Kingdoms. Divine plan was not for the Human Kingdom to be superior to the others, rather a peaceful coexistence. As the Great Forgetting took stronger hold, concepts of separation elevated the human kingdom above the others.  Man was deemed superior to all life forms.  That believe was concretized in many religious dogmata.  Also, it fed the ego: We’re Number One.”

Today many of us are acutely aware that an egoic posture over nature and the other kingdoms is dooming the air we breathe and contributing to an accelerated climate change moving towards crisis. We are seeing loss of species, severe weather patterns, changing geography, and a human doomsday clock ticking. The game of denial at the top of our own government is placing us at greater and greater risk.

The question becomes, are we the last generations to experience this good earth?  Will we hand off a decimated planet that is uninhabitable.  Do we close our eyes tightly against starving and dying polar bears? Against caged children? Famine? Violence? Is our theme song, “la de dah?”

Science is proving daily that all kingdoms on earth are sentient beings. We respond to one another energetically and it’s either thrive or descend into oblivion. Water experiments demonstrate capacity for memory. Even what we may deem as inanimate objects respond to energies. 

It is my firm belief that animate and inanimate objects on this earth are ALL made of the same essence; our difference is form.  If we were to take that a step further, and accept that we all came from the same source, then how is it possible that one object is more important than another? 

 Separation is the grand illusion. We are indeed all interrelated structures participating in a reality we call life.

I wrote years ago: “For all we touch bears us; and all that touches us we bear.  And, we are either full harvests or famines of our own delusion.”  Beyond the Great Remembering, we are now called to The Great Awakening. Let us move forward each day with absolute cognizance of our interconnectedness, thoughtfully, purposefully, and respectfully. Let every day be lived with grace and gratitude.  Walk carefully. All the ancestors, of each kingdom, are beneath us.

“In the final analysis, our most common link, is that we all inhabit this small planet.  We all breathe the same air.  We all cherish our children’s future and we are all mortal.” JFK

"...the care of the earth is our most ancient and most worthy and, after all, our most pleasing responsibility.  To cherish what remains of it, and to foster its renewal, is our only legitimate hope."  Wendell Berry

"The rule of no realm is mine, neither of Gondor nor any other great or small.  But all worthy things that are in peril as the world now stands, those are my care.  And for my part, I shall not wholly fail of my task, though Gondor should perish, if anything passes through this night that can still grow fair or bear fruit and flower again in days to come.  For I also am a steward.  Did you now know?"  J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King

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