Remembering Love

by Rev. Amari Magdalena

Writing through my life, I am remembering love, the romantic kind. Oh, the highs and lows of that commodity, often leaves us empty in ways that are perhaps never again fulfilled. Yet, the very essence of the love will always be in my heart. So, there is no real lasting loss.

Perhaps if people better understood that falling in love with someone is due to the wonderful reflection of us seen in the lover's eyes. I do know the more lasting love is the kind that happens when you finally see each other and learn to love the whole spectrum of the person-the good, the bad, the ugly etc.

Honestly, in my growing up, I never saw a truly loving relationship. My aunts on my mother's side all tolerated their husbands but did not respect them. My mother was the same though more covert and overt about her feelings. One grandfather seemed to have a loving, good relationship though the others seemed trapped. Even in my teens I was writing about being sucked into the conformity of marriage while mostly I wanted escape and adventure.

It's taken until my eighth decade to understand the effect of being pushed by some expectations and fantasies into believing that marriage was love everlasting. It may be in actuality yet not the romantic courtship of my imagining. I saw it as having to surrender too much of self and it took too many years to resurrect that hard fought self.

Admittedly, I did have two great loves that I still think of often. Looking back now, the first was a magnificent obsession; the second closer to true love. I'm so glad I had that experience and treasure the memories. I do recognize that they would never have worked out, in the end. And, happily they've both had long marriages since.

So much to learn in this life that I so value the time to recognize and understand this thing we call love. I've also learned about every kind of love and so appreciate that many, many ways to give and receive it are available.

Love, the very essence of our souls. I certainly hope you've all are or have experienced it. Eros, Filia, Ludus, Pragma, Agape, Philautia, and Storage.



Love, love, love. Do.





© 2022 Amari Magdalena

Goal Setting and Resolutions vs. Following the Energy

 

By Rev. Amari Magdalena

It’s that time of year again. New Year’s is now three days old. People are conjuring resolutions and setting their 1-year, 5-year, 10-year goals. A sense of accomplishment may follow the list making and temporary achievement pride swells. A month or two down the road, the list may become more of an irritant anchoring you in the wrong sea. Perhaps you were able to check off one or two items yet the balance goes wanting.



What is wrong with this picture? Experts in human behavior have suggested that goal-setting and/or resolutions may bring feelings of failure. Some sources have stated that goal-setting may have “some bad side effects produced by goal-setting programs include a rise in unethical behavior, over-focus on one area while neglecting other parts of the business, distorted risk preferences, corrosion of organizational culture, and reduced intrinsic motivation.”

For me the missing ingredient in goal-setting and resolutions is they don’t allow for dreaming, visioning, spontaneous thoughts, receiving messages through meditation, or living in the present. There is, for me, too much future in the process and not enough presence.

Years ago, a good friend of mine was vacillating between two businesses. She asked me for advice. What I told here was: “follow the energy.” In other words, which of the businesses seemed to be attracting attention, developing a following, giving her the most pleasure. Each action we experience in life has energy to support it or potentially tank it. The secret is paying attention and not simply plowing ahead to respond to ‘shoulds’ or outside influences who wish to direct your life because theirs is not moving in the way that pleases them.

We could also have pressure from relatives in the family. Recently I watched a movie that was like a dé·jà vu. The mother said to her daughter, “with all your intelligence why haven’t you lived up to your potential?” I’d heard that many, too many times from my own mother. I once was so disgusted that I sent her a resume with all of my accomplishments. That somewhat stemmed her complaints at least temporarily. Later, I forgot she valued money and the accumulation of it above all else, therefore monetary success was of predominant importance for her.

Here's the rub, we get this life to live. Maybe we reincarnate, maybe we don’t. To get the most out of our experience be it short or long, we benefit by being more present. I’m perfectly OK with wishes or imaginings. I know from experience that in the brainstorming stage, too much structure can cause a failure. Free thought and letting yourself imagine every scenario can lead to a real beginning of something new. That part of living is exciting and energizing.

Many people who have slogged their way through long education programs become depressed after the high of accomplishing the desired degree. The satisfaction is short-lived. Why? Because all of their focus on the many years it took to graduate, meant living in the future. Indigenous people do not have language for the past or future. They have the wisdom to greet each moment, day, etc. with gratitude.

Our Western culture thought that primitive. Look where that’s gotten us. Frayed, overworked, anxious, needing medications to calm ourselves. Too many people are depressed or drug dependent for a decent mood. Some people are so oppressed by economic realities they turn to violence to express their rage at a life not lived using their inherent gifts and talents.

If we are to experience a fulfilling life, work that we love, healthy relationships, etc. it is time we began to explore more circular thinking instead of the linear thinking that has a dead-end. We need to make a decision to LIVE our lives in the now, to dream, to imagine, to explore, to embrace our lives in a dynamic way. Only when we are able to fully embrace the NOW, can we fulfill our inherent gifts and passions.

I’ve often said this, and I’m not the only one, “when you get to the end of your life, hopefully you lived it for yourself and not for others.” One Life. Learn to pay attention to guidance and become aware of times to move forward and times to contemplate.

I’ve penned 10 books and have 4 in the hopper. I’m called to add to one or another yet am not obsessed to write every day. I find that I may receive a knowing or hear someone say something that sparks my creativity and then I can sit down and write from that knowing to my heart’s desire. I may feel I’d like to finish one or another by a certain time yet am not driven by that. It’s a possibility not a promise. And, magically, one day I may be called to complete one or another without any special demand or specific goal.

When I get bogged down with set goals, expectations, etc. my creativity suffers. Perhaps we can learn to live with joy knowing we are where we need to be, doing things that bring us pleasure, content with our lives, and allowing ourselves to experience magic and spontaneous bliss, each moment. Think about it.

“Live Today! Do not allow your spirit to be softened of your happiness to be limited by a day you cannot have back or a day that does not yet exist.” ― Steve Maraboli

“Every instant of our lives is essentially irreplaceable: you must know this in order to concentrate on life.”
― André Gide

“In a world myriad as ours, the gaze is a singular act: to look at something is to fill your whole life with it, if only briefly.” ― Ocean Vuong