Frustration: The Distant Cousin of Expectation

by Rev. Amari Magdalena

Frustration is defined as the prevention of a progress, success or the fulfillment of something. The last week has been personally very frustrating as I dealt with publishing my newest book.  I’d not used this publisher’s platform before (they shall remain unnamed).  Thinking I had finally mastered how to use it, I blithely ordered a proof copy of the book. No problem it seemed; everything looked fine. Progressed to the final step and hit the wall of rules!  It seems that while my proof copy was capable of printing on the spine; the finished copy could not as it required a certain minimum of pages. My tome was short 17 pages.

Frustration raised its irritable head while I fumed a bit and had multiple conversations with the publisher.  The plot thickened as, at one point, they mixed up the new book with an old one. My new book disappeared!  Almost in tears at this point, I had to retreat a bit an investigate why I was feeling this way.

And, then it struck me, Expectation!  How very often, knowingly or subliminally, we engage a process with the expectation that all will go well.  Often that supposition works rather well.  We able to manifest after our heart’s desire. Sometimes there is cosmic interference. When Plan A is thwarted frustration does a little hoochie-coochie dance with the expectation.  I suspect she was laughing at me rather gleefully.

After all the gesticulating, posturing, swearing, wringing of hands, and table pounding subside, one must deal with the limitation imposed. Took some time for me to blather out, “It is what it is.” In my plans, the one the Gods make fools of us over, I had perfect timing in mind.  The numbers all lined up beautifully.  Every step of the way, master numbers prevailed.

Oh, the cosmic joke of it all!  Humor is the only ultimate salvation when we get too far down the slippery slope of frustration.  That, or go over the edge.  And, then, one must assess their demands on the Universe and surrender to Universal timing. Ah, the letting go thing!  At some point in the scenario of our not getting what we expected, there comes a moment when we have to push off the edge in the current that is flowing  It may not be the direction we’d mapped out, though it is most definitely is the course this river is taking.

So this finds me at the eleventh hour waiting for the cosmic nod, knowing that it will most definitely come.  As always, there is a reason and usually it is for my highest good.  Pumping out another 18 pages, one extra just to spite them, I was able to add value at the direction of my inner muse. Ultimately, it is a better book for it.

Tomorrow, or the next day, or even next week, I will be guided to push the “publish” button with the confidence that it is the right time.  As I instruct in the book, I will stop breath holding and breathe deeply.  So next time frustration comes your way, perhaps you may draw a little wisdom from this tome and STOP! Trust the Universe; trust yourself.  When it is time, when we quite trying to paddle against the current, we free up flow and the Universe will carry us to the fulfillment of our dreams.

The Blue Iris represents hope whose wisdom I commit to follow now!

“At times it is folly to hasten, at other times, to delay. The wise do everything in its proper order.”  Ovid

"Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion.  I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning to do afterward." Kurt Vonnegut

When Not to Help Others

Rev. Amari Magdalena

Most of you reading this are innate helpers.  You care deeply about others, are empathetic, and a natural helper/healer.  What a gift you have!  How wonderful that you can offer yourself in service to others in your unique way.  So your asking yourself when is the ‘but’ coming or why is there a problem with this. My answer is timing and request.

This is a tough one for many of us, me included.  I was so often problem solving in my kids lives that I’ve often been informed by them that they are adults. I’ve had to learn to listen better when they share, not respond with my similar story, and only then, ask if they would like to hear a suggestion. Of course, preparing for the answer that they may not want my suggestion.

I’ve observed the help issue in many situations lately with some of my metaphysical friends.  As I reacted to unsolicited help, expertise, or unwanted divination with some degree of irritation, I thought it time to talk about it.  Why would I react away from help?  Because, I only needed an ear, not a solution.

I believe that what will ultimately heal humanity is when social/emotional environments are created in which people feel fully independent, empowered, and capable of handling their lives. In other words, that evolved human can say to themselves as issues arise, “You got this babe!”  The reasoning behind my belief is that when we are too dependent on others to solve our problems, we don’t own the results. Thus we always perceive ourselves as less capable, able, etc.

When we jumped to problem solving for others without giving them time to reflect, absorb, comes to terms with, etc., we can cause psychic and emotional harm.  Oh, yes, we intended for good but missed the mark. My question is, did we ask you?  No. When you jumped in with your solution, did we feel listened to?  No. When you consulted your own guides instead of giving us space to consult our own, why did we shrug you off? It was interference, plain and simple.

Well intentioned you may have been, I totally understand that.  It’s also possible that at some unconscious level, you were playing a little one-upsmanship. We can often get so full of ourselves we forget the source of our healing talents-Spirit. When I follow guidance, all is well.  When my ego gets in the way, no good comes of it.

I’ve been a Reiki Master for 25 years and a Shamanic Healer for almost 30.  If there is anything I’ve learned along the way, it is to get the hell of the way so Universal Life Force Energy can use you as a channel.  I had the wondrous experience of positively transmitting energy to heal burns, shoulder displacement, breast cancer tumors, gallstones, ovarian cancer, chemo aftereffects, troubled pregnancies, paralysis, tendon tears, hiatal hernias, psychological issues, anxiety, trauma etc.  And, I know without a doubt, I am the vehicle not the source.

When people have come to me for healing, the first thing I ask is: “Are you ready to be healed?” This is to make them a partner in the process.  I often spend time in a platica (heart talk) to discuss contributing factors like diet, stress, relationships etc. before we do the actual hands on work. I’m prone to giving homework to people so that clients can make claim to their own healing.  If this isn’t integrative medicine, I don’t know what is.

But I digress.  It is a wonderful thing when people reach out to help us when we are faced with an illness.  The feeling of having people who care is immeasurable. That said, please take time to truly hear the person and support all the emotions they may be having over a disagreeable diagnosis. * Give them space to cogitate, ruminate, and masticate the situation.  Trust that they have consulted their own inner physician for information. When they ask, oh Yes, show up. If I ask for a little energy or prayer on FB, I am very grateful that you are willing to do that and care. And, I will ask!  I’m in hopes you will also ask me.

Be the help that is invited, and you will be providing an amazing service. Know the right moment and you’ll have loving, devoted friends forever.  They’ll love that you gave space and then showed up when the team (tribe) was called in. Then, and only then, will you serve to uplift and carry out your service.

"When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed." Maya Angelou

"It's impossible to hold up the banners of victim and victory at the same time." Lysa TerKeurst

"Be helpful but don't allow others to depend on you too much.  Help by teaching them how to help themselves."

*One exception is when the person is unconscious or unable to respond. In that case, the family may ask for your healing help.

Circles That You Find

By Rev. Amari Magdalena

Our outer and inner Cosmos’ contain many circles.  Our planet and others in our solar system are round. In our lifetimes, we will be participants in circles; some beautiful and fulfilling, others perhaps challenging.  The unbroken symmetry of circle moves us through the medicine wheels of our lives.

We are born, pushed through a circle as the womb and cervix dilate and the round head presses through the opening of the vagina.  Most of us were surrounded then by welcoming family and/or the attendants at our arrival.  Some would go on to know siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and peripheral family and close friends.  Others would not be so fortunate yet would still be in circles institutionalized though they may have been.

As our lives progressed, we would join other circles of marriage, unions, fraternal organizations, institutions of learning, celebratory, social, life passages etc.  Our inherent need for socializing moves us throughout many circles as we spend time on this planet.  Yet sadly so many of us live alone now, in boxes.

One wonders, why we’ve constructed structures in square and rectangular fashion.  We are most often housed in structures with corners and right angles. Having lived in the great American Southwest many times, I was often struck by the adobe homes.  Corners were rounded.  Archways prevailed between rooms.  Everywhere there was demonstration of the feminine hand working what might have been angles into curves. Though the structures themselves were not round; the curves compensated.  Perhaps these constructs represented both the Yin and Yang aspects of the builders.

Why then do we live in these confining structures?  I am reminded that most laboratory experiments with animals find them contained in square or rectangular cages.  When we visit a zoo and see the animals in their respective indoor enclosures, they too are in right-angle structures.  No wonder they pace; we all would if so enclosed.  Yet we are; just bigger cages.  Confinement is the name of the game. We need to find ways to spend more time in circles, for sanity.

One of my great attractions and love of shamanism came from joining rituals that were conducted in circles-indoors and outside.  When I lived in Sedona with an accessible roof top garage, I was gifted the ability to create an outdoor medicine wheel on it.  In South Albuquerque, I celebrated the moons and seasonal changes in a Kiva.  In Tucson, I had a beautiful outdoor altar for ceremonies.

Indoors and out, except for my current small apartment, I’ve had a large floor medicine wheel defined by hand-made Ruins tiles.  When I can sponsor a small moon gathering here, I create the same on a small round coffee table.  Yet I so miss my big medicine wheel.  I also feel the loss of participating in more outdoor circles due to my physical walking limitations.  Yet the memories of many beautiful circles keep me at peace.

Circles remind us that life is always moving.  As we move around one, we experience the rhythmic movement of the sun and moon from ascending energy to descending-rising and falling.  This, for me, helps me stay in touch with a concept that all things change.  We experience birth, growth, and death. We also experience community in circles-vital social connection. 

Ultimately, I believe, it is in sharing circles that we build our tribe.  I feel tribal connection is the missing piece of experiencing greater peace worldwide. I’m reminiscing about the Coca-Cola commercial with “I’d like to buy the world a home and furnish it with love… I’d like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony” with people of all colors, races, etc. gathering.  It was about connection and finding something everyone enjoyed sharing-commercial though it was.

In Atlanta, for the three years I lived there, Jeni and Rick Prigmore sponsored a Peace Circle every Wednesday evening.  For that night, in the middle of the week, we sat in circle holding Earth Globes or imagined ones and affirmed for peace.  It was a family (tribe) of love.

Our chaotic times and fractured attention from digitized living, call for more circles.  My hope would be that wherever you are, be moved to restore circles; all kinds of circles.  Bring people together!  Build sweat lodges and round structures.  Celebrate those influential globes in the heavens that so affect our living.  Foster tribes for good. Get out of the windmills of your mind and engage in the circles that you find.

“A circle is the reflection of eternity.  It has no beginning and it has no end-and if you put several circles over each other, then you get a spiral.” Maynard James Keenan

“The whole universe is based on rhythms.  Everything happens in circle’s, in spirals.“  John Hartford

“Circles create soothing space, where even reticent people can realize that their voice is welcome.” Margaret J. Wheatley