Invalidation

 

By Rev. Amari Magdalena

 

In the world of cyber communication, lacking the in-person reading of intent, we may often feel invalidated. The meaning of the word used in communication is: “the process of denying, rejecting or dismissing someone's feelings. Invalidation sends the message that a person's subjective emotional experience is inaccurate, insignificant, and/or unacceptable.” Sounds pretty harash and rendering a complete denial of another’s emotional sharing.

On the surface, of course, most of us would not want to be found guilty of doing such a thing. Yet, we do it more than is good for having the recipient feel heard. The problem, listening. As a culture, we are failing in the listening department on more occasions than leads to comfort with others in social intercourse. Most of us are pretty guilty of this, certainly without malintent.

Indigenous cultures used different tools for communication. Some had such clarity of thought, they could telepath with others in the tribe; verbal communication was not always necessary. Others used tools like the talking stick and answering feather which encouraged others to listen to the speaker rather than be preparing their immediate response.

Years ago, I introduced the talking stick to a group of fairly diverse people whose similarity was to share a degree of spiritual experiences in their lives, including paranormal occurrences. To my surprise, the group in the main completely rebelled against the concept. They didn’t want to listen preferring to either debate, invalidate, or obfuscate. I found that numbingly aberrant yet was not surprised.

In a cultural setting of competition, rather than cooperation, there is always a tangible quest for one upmanship. Being Number One is more important than actually supporting group consensus and team building.

As we now see daily the destruction of an emphasis on competition, global greed, dismissive politics on earth preservation and freedom of rights of each person’s choice as it relates to their body, it is not surprising. At the same time, we are certainly witnessing the demise of yet another Empire. All previous ones have devolved and fallen yet humankind continues on personal and global paths of destruction.

Given the innate intelligence of humankind, it is then disturbing that history continues to repeat itself over and over and over again. Real communication goes wanting. Relationship building meets its demise. We are not communicating with one another; we are engaging in monologues and duologues. We are collectively behaving like many of the animals that we thought ourselves superior to.

Can this be altered or amened? Yes, it can with the big IF, we choose to individually and collectively effect a change. We can start listening without composing our answers. We can ask ourselves what is the person sharing with us? Are they asking for advice? Are they seeking solutions from us? Are they simply venting and needing validation for their feelings? Can we sit in silence and hold space? Can we shut up??

Some spiritual traditions require periods of complete silence as a way of going further within. For many it’s like doing hard time in isolation and almost crippling. Yet, the benefit may long outweigh the personal needs of the self in deference to the greater good of the universal whole.

Perhaps next time you hear or read of someone simply sharing their experience, you will choose to simply listen and say, “I hear you” or whatever is appropriate to the feelings being expressed. In cyber space, you could send a heart or care symbol and let the other know you heard them without pontificating or rendering solutions not asked for. You could be silently reverent and say to the Universe, “may peace prevail for the good of this individual and humankind.”

“…validation between partners is the communication of understanding and acceptance.” – Alan E. Fruzzetti

“Our desire for sympathy and attention is another major reason we complain. Think about the things you complain about. What are you looking for when you share? I would bet that a lot of the time it’s validation like, “Yeah, that is annoying,”” – Whitney Goodman

“Sometimes, this can be as simple as paying attention and making good eye contact and nodding, or saying “uh-huh” or “right” or “okay.” At other times, validating requires a more thorough acknowledgment of the experience, such as “I know you are really disappointed” or “you look really sad.”” – Alan E. Fruzzetti

“You can disagree with absolutely everything someone, is saying, but you can still validate them.”–James W. Williams.

Does The Universe Care for or about Us?

 

By Rev. Amari Magdalena

Yesterday I posted a word for consideration: Pronoia. Its definition is that “The Universe conspires for my Joy and Abundance.” Nice thought, no? Yet a few people took exception recalling devastating things that the Universe had delivered to them over their lifetimes.

It got me thinking about the times, in my own life, when The Universe most definitely was not conspiring in my favor, or so it seemed. One of the philosophies that I’ve long admired is the Tao. In this belief system one learns to not weight oppositional forces in our lives differently. This belief allows us to surf the waves of our lives in a more even way. We will have some grand things in this lifetime and some pretty challenging things that we may view as soul disrupting. By accepting these oppositional forces, we may be more at peace.

I do not deny that many of us are delivered some pretty devastating things in our lives. There is no denying that. It may also appear that some people receive more than their fare share of those events. Death of a child is certainly at the top of the list. A whole list of tragedies can easily be complied.

Yet, in a long-life review, I believe we also become aware of great graces afforded us. This is, I suppose, a count your blessings scenario. Too often, we forgot that count and allow the bleak occurrences to cast shadow over the better things.

The belief of greater good, allowing for the not so good, can afford us to better appreciate the general balance that life affords us. That is, if we notice. It can also gift us contentment. Contentment gives us an overall view of greater good without the transient, and often prioritized, desire for happiness.

If people were to study my life of 80+ years, they would find a whole laundry list of the ‘not so good’ things that happened. They’d discover that much of my adult life has been a financial struggle. Uncovered would be unexpected deaths, suicide, murder, molestation, mental and physical abuse. They could easily conclude that The Universe did not bring me Joy and Abundance. And, of course, that would bolster their predominant belief about pronoia.

For many years, I too, allowed the negative to rule my life. On further study, I came to adapt a different view, a perspective that gave me greater peace. I learned that I’ve had a fantastic life filled with good surprises, seeming last minute positive interventions, overall goodness, great people, amazing places to visit, abundance of innate talents, etc. In total sum of nine decades, The Universe has conspired for my highest and best good.

Some would say, what about all of the health challenges you’ve experienced in the past 1 ½ years and continue to deal with daily? What about your precarious economic situation? Yup, those have been doozies, no question. Yet the offsets have been human kindness, friends who are supportive, unexpected monies forthcoming, love, and great mental/emotional health. In balance, I can attest that The Universe has indeed delivered more Joy and Abundance than not. Mine has been simply to recognize it and appreciate it.

I would much rather embrace an overall belief in goodness than await the dark side of random deliverance of the negative. It would also be my sincere hope, that many of us can come to the belief that The Universe does give the proverbial damn about us. I would wish that philosophy for anyone wanting to experience a fuller, affirming, and gloriously abundant life!

“When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it--always.”
― Mahatma Gandhi

“A good head and good heart are always a formidable combination. But when you add to that a literate tongue or pen, then you have something very special.”
― Nelson Mandela

“A good life is a collection of happy moments.” ― Denis Waitley

Death

by Rev. Amari Magdalena



A subject few people want to talk about, Death. It’s a hush-hush deal that many wish to never address though it, and taxes, are declared to be inevitable.

Aging, illness, and infirmity certainly may cause us to consider an appearance of the grim reaper. For some of us having gone through the demise of our parents, we may be more aware of the obligations and expectations created by a family death. Some people choose to bury their heads and magically keep death at the door.

My own journey of the past year and a half has made me hyper aware of my end date approaching. Depending on who you talk with, I’ll be here for a few more years or could go out like a candle in the wind from heart complications. News like this makes one “listen up.” And, I have.

Our culture is pretty uncomfortable with this subject. As a child, we were never allowed to attend any funerals as grandparents and others passed. This was, in part, due to my mother’s experience of having to kiss her dead mother in the casket at 6 years old. Mother had a deep fear of death. Ultimately this was a great disservice to her children.

The first funeral I attended was for a friend’s whose husband was killed in an auto accident. I was around 21 at the time and found the whole experience shocking. Ultimately, I found it part of my shamanic path to be present at births and deaths. As a minister I’ve been asked to give last rights, help people cross over, and eulogize the deceased.

My mother later shared with me that her Slavic half-sisters celebrated death and mourned births. That made some sense to me as their beliefs were that life has its share of challenges and the new born is entering this plane to experience all of the vagaries of life while death is freeing and we return to the Oneness. They passed a large basin with water and a towel and each person in the circle washed their hands of death and continued passing it around. I don’t know if they bathed the deceased though that may have been appropriate in that time and space. A nicety that might be instituted were we not so fearful of being around the dead person.

The most challenging funeral was for my 3-year-old grandson in Mexico. Death of a child defies the natural order of things and quashes all of our dreams and desires for a full life. It is so out-of-order. The Mexican way of death, we the American family, were not prepared for. Embalming is not done. One has to witness the deceased changing colors and find some way to deal with all of the smelly flowers covering physical demise. The actual burial is right in front of the pile of dirt that will be unceremoniously bulldozed over the casket at the end of the ceremony. The shock of it all was eased some by the Sponge Bob Balloon that released rose higher and higher and higher in the sky, turning at the end as if to say goodbye.

At my middle sister’s funeral, I was able to do the commending of spirit shortly before she passed. They whisked her away to a funeral home in downtown Thornbury, Bristol England. After a day or two, I said to my mother, I’m going to go visit her. You are welcome to come with me. She decided, in spite of her natural hesitation, to do that with me. We talked with my sister and I feel it helped my mother with the passing. It provided last words and wishes for the next life. We even witnessed both a cathedral filled to capacity in celebration of her life and then the final movement of the casket into the crematory. There was a full sense of completion there.

People who have experienced an NDE (near death experience) have reported experiences of great light and perhaps seeing loved ones on the other side. Personally, I have gone through this and recognize that seeing translucent bodies of our departed, may be part of the process of letting go of the body suit. The bright light is comforting and inviting. What is on the other side? We will surely discover? Perhaps if we were to choose the new Natural Burial method of being wrapped and interred in dirt so that natural decomposition occurs, we may indeed return in another form like a flower.

We’ve only to look at nature and the seasons of seed, growth, flower, and death to know that absolutely nothing is permanent on this plane of existence. Perhaps we can gather courage from the renewal cycles and some intention that a greater consciousness state is our next expression. On the other hand, comfort with death may help us choose to live life to the fullest in every way without the shroud of death hampering our spirit.

” Nothing endures but change, and accepting this has the potential to transform the dread of dying into joyful living."

H.E. Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche

“Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.”
― Isaac Asimov

“It is best as one grows older to strip oneself of possessions, to shed oneself downward like a tree, to be almost wholly earth before one dies.”
― Sylvia Townsend Warner, Lolly Willowes

“That's the secret. If you always make sure you're exactly the person you hoped to be, if you always make sure you know only the very best people, then you won't care if you die tomorrow.”
― Carol Rifka Brunt, Tell the Wolves I'm Home

“Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one’s head, and listen to silence. To have no yesterday, and no tomorrow. To forget time, to forget life, to be at peace.” – Oscar Wilde

“Those we love are always alive if we keep them alive in our hearts.” – Carson McCullers

Who Do We Trust?

  

By Rev. Amari Magdalena

Erik Erikson believed that trust is developed from birth to 18 months. During this stage, the infant either comes to view other people and himself or herself as trustworthy or comes to develop a fundamental distrust of his or her environment. Trust is defined as a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.

As we move through infancy, early, middle, and later childhood into adulthood, trust may become an issue in our interrelationships. If the initial trust was broken in the earliest developmental stage it may take considerable therapy to learn trust.

Early broken trust leads, in shamanic shields terms, to a skewed South Shield.* The untrusting child carries that lack into each relationship in hopes that somehow magically, the other person will help them overcome their trust issues. In essence, they are looking for that compensatory partner. Of course, the rising dissolution of these relationships speaks to this issue.

When you may hear someone saying: “I just don’t trust anyone.” What they are truly saying is they don’t trust themselves sufficiently to even speak to trust of others. It’s a signal to any therapist or spiritual advisor that inner work is needed.

For an aware adult, that lack of trust may signal a need to develop and foster trusting themselves. Inner child work along with redirecting the North Shield and awakening the Nagual shields of West and East, can make a huge difference in healing basis distrust. This inner work was some of the most successful that I experienced with students and myself.

I was left with my grandparents from about 4 to 10 months. That helped me later understand why I was so attached to them. At the same time, the parental absence at such an early juncture, surely had its impact. There was no social media platform in those days to have us see missing persons in our lives. And written communications at such an early development stage didn’t have any meaning. I’m certain trust was broken.

Thus, I recognized my own need to develop adult trust. That can be done, with a lot of work. First one develops self-trust built on evidence that we can become reliable, truthful, and strong. As we assess and build more self-trust, we can then extend it to others.

At the same time, we need to attract trustworthy people and have some device for forgiving small lapses in trust. I’ve often said that compassion without discernment can be dangerous. That suggests that after we deal with the ‘me,’ we learn to deal with the ‘we,’ and then if we are most fortunate, we come to embracing the greater ‘us.’’ In actuality, that is part of our life work.

We may wish to develop markers of trust in new relationships. A European friend of mine observed how Americans almost instantly trust people rather than build trust over time. That instant trust and superficial bonding can lead to disappointments. In the romantic realm I once wrote a piece on 22 guides for Metaphysical Lovers to help people avoid the karmic macarena.

Discernment certainly comes into play if we are going to embrace and recognize another’s worth for inclusion in our emotional world. Our media often exposes us to such unrealistic pictures of romantic love that we may have incorporated delusional expectations about ourselves and other people’s worth.

The bottom line, is start building self-trust. Develop criteria for the types of people you’d value coming into your lives. Become trustworthy. Demand trustworthiness in all of your relationships. When that wounded inner child shows up, take some time to talk with him or her and see what old emotional issues are still unmet. Become the person that meets those needs and perhaps you will stop finding others and entrusting them with your basket of unmet emotional needs to foster.

Trust is elemental. Our world has shown us many, many examples of misplaced trust on all levels. Yet ultimately it is up to us to discern what is and is not working for our emotional stability. Start with you. Become more reliable, trustworthy, and strong. When we have that inherent trust in self, others, and life, our lives become the heaven we seek.

“Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.” William Shakespeare

“Trust is the glue of life. It's the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It's the foundational principle that holds all relationships.” Stephen Covey

“Trust is built with consistency.” Lincoln Chafee

“He who does not trust enough, Will not be trusted.” Lao Tzu







*Awaken Your Inner Shields: Transform Your Life." by Amari Magdalena

We are Guests of Mother Nature

by Rev. Amari Magdalena

Watching the Yellowstone Dome rising and the ancient history of our small planet, I am again struck by just how fragile is our existence. Whether by force of climate, comets aimed for us, or nuclear attacks by agents opposed to our political agenda, we are temporary at best.

These outside venues for destruction play along with our internal body’s slow destruction. However, you measure it, or think about it, this drives home the need to appreciate each and every day we have in our body suits on planet Earth.

Generations of humankind has egotistically believed mankind to be superior to all sentient beings. What folly! Our dams are perhaps more precarious than those the beavers constructed on a much smaller and livable scale.

We cannot ignore Mother Nature’s message of our egregious maltreatment of our little Garden of Eden. Fires, droughts, raging tornadoes and hurricanes, weather disasters, earthquakes, and water in shorter and shorter supply. Some would argue that the planet has had several climates and changing patterns. This may be true yet there is damning evidence that our ignorance and abuse have greatly accelerated the demise.

Our planet’s axis is changing, our compasses evidence this shift. In the greater history of the planet the poles have indeed reversed. We’ve not contained our populations or considered just how many humans can live bountifully and peacefully on the perhaps intended capacity. Our cities are rampant with crime and homelessness. Politically we’ve failed to find common ground. We’ve decimated the planet and have some delusion that we can find another habitable planet to occupy. An awareness sad beyond words.

So many throw up their hands with” what can I do or this is an insurmountable issue.” I’m hearing way too many “can’t do’s” and damned few “can do’s.” I’m sure that the issue seems beyond the grasp of an individual and their efforts. Yet history has suggested that collective efforts with merely 15% of the population can make a difference. Gathering, this is doable.

Innovation, discovery, new energy resources, energy efficient appliances, pressure on elected “in bed” with lobbyists that need not be reelected. Media needs to be held over the coals for perpetrating myths and engendering fear. They need to start covering the doable things and successes. Our 3 branches of government need to be purged of any official who denies what is a real and present danger to our habitats. Education programs need to emphasize energy renewal and energy saving sources of power.

Like the platforms following the Great Depression, we need greater employment in those industries that are actually good for all sentient beings and provide education, new skills, and share the wealth of those companies with the greater public and not selected investors whose purpose is obscene profits.

Other, and an emphasis on inclusiveness, are imperative at this time. We have the intelligence, history of innovation and capacity for tackling huge problems, and the inherent talent in our populous to set a turn-key program for other countries to follow.

Our very fragility is at stake. If you love this glorious planet and all of its wonders and beauty, get involved. Be part of the solution. Mother Nature will reward you with repairs and restoration. And, don’t wait for Earth Day to start a program of personal commitment to reducing your footprint. Walk softly and consciously on every bit of earth that you can. Get busy saving Earth rather than throwing up your hands in defeat. And, accept that humans are not the only intelligence on the planet and develop respect for each kingdom: animal, plant, and mineral.

Human was derived from the mantra “hu” meaning spirit. The intention was to imbue a sense of being a material part of the earth with a spiritual connectiveness. Let’s bring that “Hu” back into our use of land and resources so that Mother will again bless us and not feel the need to evict us!

Like many indigenous people, perhaps begin and end each day in circle calling in the four Cardinal directions and offering profound thanks for each and every way that the planet has supported you and your ancestors.



“Environment is no one’s property to destroy; it’s everyone’s responsibility to protect.” – Mohith Agadi



“A nation that destroys its soils destroys itself. Forests are the lungs of our land, purifying the air and giving fresh strength to our people.” ― Franklin D. Roosevelt



“What we are doing to the forests of the world is but a mirror reflection of what we are doing to ourselves and to one another.” ― Chris Maser



“It is horrifying that we have to fight our own government to save the environment.” 
― Ansel Adams


“Earth provides enough to satisfy every man’s needs, but not every man’s greed. “ 
― Mahatma Gandhi

Invisibility

 Invisibility

by Rev. Amari Magdalena

I was on a conference call today and someone mentioned being invisible as we age. I attributed that, in part, to youth culture focus and emphasis on looking eternally young.

It reminded me, however, of shamanic invisibility. It represents stepping down our energy field, purposively. This can be a very helpful tool if one ever feels in danger. One must slow down their energy vibration so as to be unnoticed.

There is another type of invisibility that I've become aware of in the saging process. I believe that our bodies become less dense, energetically, as we age. This has nothing to do with actual weight, it's about energy. As world things may be of less importance, this may contribute to not needing to be so "up front" in situations. We might call this the completion of the "I", "We", and "Us" compartments of life.

When the completion of the "Us" is upon us, our emphasis shifts. We may be less involved in the human, material life. Our etheric body is thinning as the buffer between the material and soul level. We may become luminous with halos like those depicted in Yeshua and his disciples. This shift is quite magical and no doubt part of the shift to the fifth dimension.

There is a similar corridor in babies and young children. I've often found that infants see colors and auras. They are aware of the energetic field around others and respond accordingly. If the baby perceives an energetic compatibility, smiles are exchanged. If not, cries and alarm are often expressed rather loudly.

I also find that children in the age of magic, used to be birth to about five, often have imaginary friends. Part and parcel of being in both worlds. Unfortunately, in today's electronically connected world young children are exposed to the overriding culture at younger and younger ages so their magic dissipates earlier.

We enter this earth lifetime through the Eastern gateway. Concurrently, we exit this lifetime through the same portal. This then suggests to me, that when we are in the waning years of our natural life, we'd be preparing for the return and thus available for magic and energetic invisibility. We come from light through a tunnel and leave through a tunnel returning to Light.

I find comfort in this natural process of lightening up, recognizing that it is also preparation for returning to the stars from which we came. Invisibility can be one of the most important factors in achieving freedom from the dramas of life. I also suspect that it is indeed the fifth dimensional state of being that many strive for. Ultimately invisibility helps us move away from the time and space continuum.

Perhaps a perfect example of more being less!

"I don't know why people are so keen to put the details of their private life in public; they forget that invisibility is a super power." _ Banksy

“It was a source of both terror and comfort to me then that I often seemed invisible — incompletely and minimally existent, in fact. It seemed to me that I made no impact on the world, and that in exchange I was privileged to watch it unawares.” ― Marilynne Robinson

“(Idea for a ghost story: a woman gets old and falls out of time and realizes that she’s become invisible.)” ― Emily St. John Mandel,

“Do you become in visible?' 'No. I'm there, if you know how to look. I stand between the place you look at and the place you see. Behind what you expect to see. If you expect to see me, you do. I listen in places where no one expects me to be.” ― Patricia A. McKillip

Remembering Love

by Rev. Amari Magdalena

Writing through my life, I am remembering love, the romantic kind. Oh, the highs and lows of that commodity, often leaves us empty in ways that are perhaps never again fulfilled. Yet, the very essence of the love will always be in my heart. So, there is no real lasting loss.

Perhaps if people better understood that falling in love with someone is due to the wonderful reflection of us seen in the lover's eyes. I do know the more lasting love is the kind that happens when you finally see each other and learn to love the whole spectrum of the person-the good, the bad, the ugly etc.

Honestly, in my growing up, I never saw a truly loving relationship. My aunts on my mother's side all tolerated their husbands but did not respect them. My mother was the same though more covert and overt about her feelings. One grandfather seemed to have a loving, good relationship though the others seemed trapped. Even in my teens I was writing about being sucked into the conformity of marriage while mostly I wanted escape and adventure.

It's taken until my eighth decade to understand the effect of being pushed by some expectations and fantasies into believing that marriage was love everlasting. It may be in actuality yet not the romantic courtship of my imagining. I saw it as having to surrender too much of self and it took too many years to resurrect that hard fought self.

Admittedly, I did have two great loves that I still think of often. Looking back now, the first was a magnificent obsession; the second closer to true love. I'm so glad I had that experience and treasure the memories. I do recognize that they would never have worked out, in the end. And, happily they've both had long marriages since.

So much to learn in this life that I so value the time to recognize and understand this thing we call love. I've also learned about every kind of love and so appreciate that many, many ways to give and receive it are available.

Love, the very essence of our souls. I certainly hope you've all are or have experienced it. Eros, Filia, Ludus, Pragma, Agape, Philautia, and Storage.



Love, love, love. Do.





© 2022 Amari Magdalena