by Rev. Amari Magdalena
A subject few people want to talk about, Death. It’s a hush-hush deal that many wish to never address though it, and taxes, are declared to be inevitable.
Aging, illness, and infirmity certainly may cause us to consider an appearance of the grim reaper. For some of us having gone through the demise of our parents, we may be more aware of the obligations and expectations created by a family death. Some people choose to bury their heads and magically keep death at the door.
My own journey of the past year and a half has made me hyper aware of my end date approaching. Depending on who you talk with, I’ll be here for a few more years or could go out like a candle in the wind from heart complications. News like this makes one “listen up.” And, I have.
Our culture is pretty uncomfortable with this subject. As a child, we were never allowed to attend any funerals as grandparents and others passed. This was, in part, due to my mother’s experience of having to kiss her dead mother in the casket at 6 years old. Mother had a deep fear of death. Ultimately this was a great disservice to her children.
The first funeral I attended was for a friend’s whose husband was killed in an auto accident. I was around 21 at the time and found the whole experience shocking. Ultimately, I found it part of my shamanic path to be present at births and deaths. As a minister I’ve been asked to give last rights, help people cross over, and eulogize the deceased.
My mother later shared with me that her Slavic half-sisters celebrated death and mourned births. That made some sense to me as their beliefs were that life has its share of challenges and the new born is entering this plane to experience all of the vagaries of life while death is freeing and we return to the Oneness. They passed a large basin with water and a towel and each person in the circle washed their hands of death and continued passing it around. I don’t know if they bathed the deceased though that may have been appropriate in that time and space. A nicety that might be instituted were we not so fearful of being around the dead person.
The most challenging funeral was for my 3-year-old grandson in Mexico. Death of a child defies the natural order of things and quashes all of our dreams and desires for a full life. It is so out-of-order. The Mexican way of death, we the American family, were not prepared for. Embalming is not done. One has to witness the deceased changing colors and find some way to deal with all of the smelly flowers covering physical demise. The actual burial is right in front of the pile of dirt that will be unceremoniously bulldozed over the casket at the end of the ceremony. The shock of it all was eased some by the Sponge Bob Balloon that released rose higher and higher and higher in the sky, turning at the end as if to say goodbye.
At my middle sister’s funeral, I was able to do the commending of spirit shortly before she passed. They whisked her away to a funeral home in downtown Thornbury, Bristol England. After a day or two, I said to my mother, I’m going to go visit her. You are welcome to come with me. She decided, in spite of her natural hesitation, to do that with me. We talked with my sister and I feel it helped my mother with the passing. It provided last words and wishes for the next life. We even witnessed both a cathedral filled to capacity in celebration of her life and then the final movement of the casket into the crematory. There was a full sense of completion there.
People who have experienced an NDE (near death experience) have reported experiences of great light and perhaps seeing loved ones on the other side. Personally, I have gone through this and recognize that seeing translucent bodies of our departed, may be part of the process of letting go of the body suit. The bright light is comforting and inviting. What is on the other side? We will surely discover? Perhaps if we were to choose the new Natural Burial method of being wrapped and interred in dirt so that natural decomposition occurs, we may indeed return in another form like a flower.
We’ve only to look at nature and the seasons of seed, growth, flower, and death to know that absolutely nothing is permanent on this plane of existence. Perhaps we can gather courage from the renewal cycles and some intention that a greater consciousness state is our next expression. On the other hand, comfort with death may help us choose to live life to the fullest in every way without the shroud of death hampering our spirit.
” Nothing endures but change, and accepting this has the potential to transform the dread of dying into joyful living."
H.E. Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche
“Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.”
― Isaac Asimov
“It is best as one grows older to strip oneself of possessions, to shed oneself downward like a tree, to be almost wholly earth before one dies.”
― Sylvia Townsend Warner, Lolly Willowes
“That's the secret. If you always make sure you're exactly the person you hoped to be, if you always make sure you know only the very best people, then you won't care if you die tomorrow.”
― Carol Rifka Brunt, Tell the Wolves I'm Home
“Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one’s head, and listen to silence. To have no yesterday, and no tomorrow. To forget time, to forget life, to be at peace.” – Oscar Wilde
“Those we love are always alive if we keep them alive in our hearts.” – Carson McCullers
