Pain: Finding Ways to Live with and through it.

By Rev. Amari Magdalena

Along this journey we call life, we will experience pain.  It may by physical, emotional, mental, or even spiritual.  In an average childhood, our pains may be simple scrapes and fall.  For some the pain may be quite emotional.  Some may experience mental pain from being different or having brains that function atypically from others. Spiritual pain may not be so prevalent in childhood though many people come to question the religious beliefs held by their parents.

With advancing age, I am discovering, physical pain may become an uninvited guest in a body that is succumbing to years of activity, dietary choices, and simple wear and tear.  Like our cars, parts do wear out over time.  Ancestry may be at play, climate, activities, and the unexpected become targets of our otherwise general good and earlier adult health.

Pain can be our friend, notifying us of a problem.  And, while that is a lovely philosophy, experiencing it and getting past it can be a challenge.  So, we could say, there is an upside and a downside of pain. Good that it lets us know something is amiss; not so good that we must find ways to live through it.

Personally, I’ve had pain at all levels since the early 90’s when my back required the first of several surgeries.  I’ve found ways to cope with that over the years.  Distraction was my best tool.  Hurt, do something else.  Move into a different mindset. Congratulate yourself for effectively implementing the Mind over Matter program.

That strategy held for many a year.  Often, there was another potent solution.  I found that whenever I entered a shamanic state of being while teaching, leading ceremonies, or healing others, my own pain completely abated during the sessions. Time out of mind helped.

In the past few years arthritis has grabbed a hold of me like a relentless vine.  It sneaks up in a damp climate like Japanese Kudzu that is enveloping the Southeast.  Like this plant, arthritis, spreads easily and everywhere proving triumphant against schemes to rid myself of it.  It’s humbled me and given me glimpses of severe pain that many people suffer every day with this and other health maladies.

So how does one live with this?  I can only speak for myself.  In the meantime, and the between times, I’ve come to appreciate more pain free days much more.  It forces me to be very present and live more in the now.  A good day is a Hallelujah celebration.  A not so good day, a testament of resolve to retreat, take time off, and gather strength to move through it.  Sometimes I talk to the pain to understand what warning signs it is offering me. I can affirm that this too shall pass, which I do often.

I don’t believe we can ‘walk in another person’s moccasins’ on the issue of pain.  What we can do, is be a bit more sensitive to the person experiencing it. We can hold off on recommending endless remedies and actually listen to the person and express our sorrow that they are experiencing it.  We can offer whatever help they may need.  We can give a heartfelt hug. Ultimately, we can speak up about the abysmal condition of healthcare in our country and the failure of medicine to find cures for the diseases that have garnered wealth for Big Pharma.  We can become advocates.

My siblings and I often wondered what happened to our joyful Mother who was so playful when we were growing up and became harsh, critical, and difficult.  Sadly, I now know that she became somewhat embittered by her trial of pain. I surely hope that in the wondrous ethers of weightlessness and consciousness, she is a Light being again.  I can affirm that I will not succumb to bitterness.

For those of you reading this who are in pain, I extend my deepest sympathy and empathy. I hope you will be relieved of this burden.  I extend an affirmation that non-damaging relief will meet you on the road to improved health. I send you my blessings and love.  For those reading this who are not in pain, I hope you have gained a bit of perspective.  For all, may you discover the Being underneath and reach enlightenment.

“The struggle of my life created empathy.  I could relate to pain, being abandoned, having people not love me.”  Oprah Winfrey

“To know yourself as the Being underneath the thinker, the stillness underneath the mental noise, the love and joy underneath the pain, is freedom, salvation, enlightenment.”  Eckart Tolle

When Not to Help Others

Rev. Amari Magdalena

Most of you reading this are innate helpers.  You care deeply about others, are empathetic, and a natural helper/healer.  What a gift you have!  How wonderful that you can offer yourself in service to others in your unique way.  So your asking yourself when is the ‘but’ coming or why is there a problem with this. My answer is timing and request.

This is a tough one for many of us, me included.  I was so often problem solving in my kids lives that I’ve often been informed by them that they are adults. I’ve had to learn to listen better when they share, not respond with my similar story, and only then, ask if they would like to hear a suggestion. Of course, preparing for the answer that they may not want my suggestion.

I’ve observed the help issue in many situations lately with some of my metaphysical friends.  As I reacted to unsolicited help, expertise, or unwanted divination with some degree of irritation, I thought it time to talk about it.  Why would I react away from help?  Because, I only needed an ear, not a solution.

I believe that what will ultimately heal humanity is when social/emotional environments are created in which people feel fully independent, empowered, and capable of handling their lives. In other words, that evolved human can say to themselves as issues arise, “You got this babe!”  The reasoning behind my belief is that when we are too dependent on others to solve our problems, we don’t own the results. Thus we always perceive ourselves as less capable, able, etc.

When we jumped to problem solving for others without giving them time to reflect, absorb, comes to terms with, etc., we can cause psychic and emotional harm.  Oh, yes, we intended for good but missed the mark. My question is, did we ask you?  No. When you jumped in with your solution, did we feel listened to?  No. When you consulted your own guides instead of giving us space to consult our own, why did we shrug you off? It was interference, plain and simple.

Well intentioned you may have been, I totally understand that.  It’s also possible that at some unconscious level, you were playing a little one-upsmanship. We can often get so full of ourselves we forget the source of our healing talents-Spirit. When I follow guidance, all is well.  When my ego gets in the way, no good comes of it.

I’ve been a Reiki Master for 25 years and a Shamanic Healer for almost 30.  If there is anything I’ve learned along the way, it is to get the hell of the way so Universal Life Force Energy can use you as a channel.  I had the wondrous experience of positively transmitting energy to heal burns, shoulder displacement, breast cancer tumors, gallstones, ovarian cancer, chemo aftereffects, troubled pregnancies, paralysis, tendon tears, hiatal hernias, psychological issues, anxiety, trauma etc.  And, I know without a doubt, I am the vehicle not the source.

When people have come to me for healing, the first thing I ask is: “Are you ready to be healed?” This is to make them a partner in the process.  I often spend time in a platica (heart talk) to discuss contributing factors like diet, stress, relationships etc. before we do the actual hands on work. I’m prone to giving homework to people so that clients can make claim to their own healing.  If this isn’t integrative medicine, I don’t know what is.

But I digress.  It is a wonderful thing when people reach out to help us when we are faced with an illness.  The feeling of having people who care is immeasurable. That said, please take time to truly hear the person and support all the emotions they may be having over a disagreeable diagnosis. * Give them space to cogitate, ruminate, and masticate the situation.  Trust that they have consulted their own inner physician for information. When they ask, oh Yes, show up. If I ask for a little energy or prayer on FB, I am very grateful that you are willing to do that and care. And, I will ask!  I’m in hopes you will also ask me.

Be the help that is invited, and you will be providing an amazing service. Know the right moment and you’ll have loving, devoted friends forever.  They’ll love that you gave space and then showed up when the team (tribe) was called in. Then, and only then, will you serve to uplift and carry out your service.

"When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed." Maya Angelou

"It's impossible to hold up the banners of victim and victory at the same time." Lysa TerKeurst

"Be helpful but don't allow others to depend on you too much.  Help by teaching them how to help themselves."

*One exception is when the person is unconscious or unable to respond. In that case, the family may ask for your healing help.