Thoughts On Turning 81 Today
by Rev. Amari Magdalena
Last year at 80 I was in the Emergency Room of Mountain View Hospital awaiting a room through the night.
As I reflect back, I grew up in a time of more innocence and fewer freedoms for women and people of color. We now live in a time of lost innocence and great freedoms though some are being eroded by misguided information and desire to return to other times.
It seems in the 60’s we threw out the proverbial baby with the bath water and didn’t think about some things that created a much nicer society with more compassion and caring for our neighbors and residents of the world.
Looking back, I have some memories that stick out. When I was around 8 or 9 my mother threw a birthday party for me replete with games. I won most of them and was a bit daunted that mom told me they were for the guests not me!
In childhood we had a friend with a small airplane so first up in the air flights were with them. Around 12 I took my first big plane, though prop, from Chicago to Detroit and that was quite the thrill. Last airplane ride was one of my fiancé’s who was an aerial photographer. We flew through some clouds and I opened the small window and stuck my hand in the clouds. What a thrill. Can’t imagine many people have done that.
We moved a lot because of my dad’s jobs throughout the Midwest. In Iowa we had snow piled higher than me. Everywhere there were lakes to swim in. Country homes and farms were prevalent. Burma Shave had plastered the roads with a bit of silliness. We counted cows or different state license plates to avert boredom. When McDonald’s came, we longed for the 15 cents hamburgers. At ice cream shops you could get 3 scoops for $.15. The candy stores near schools had many treats for a nickel or dime.
We had lots of hand-me-downs from older cousins. Sometimes that was great except for a few that had no taste in clothes. No big malls. One-car families. No on-line shopping. No cell phones. Party lines for many phone connections. We were generally safe and did not receive all the warnings that children are now subject too. We marauded from daylight to dusk in the farm areas of our relatives and no one wondered what we were up to as any neighbor would help if we had a bee sting or some accident. We never locked our doors unless going away for a length of time. Trust was almost a given in the Midwest.
Growing up every where we lived there was family. We had many, many gatherings and took vacations with my father’s sister and her tribe. We exchanged kids many times in the summer as we were often better behaved at relative’s than home. We settled in a suburb of Detroit and I so missed our move and making new friends. It was primarily a blue-collar place so my dad was king pin with a shirt, tie, suit, and hat. At 16 I was crowned the 4th of July Beauty Queen and rode in the parade and got a modeling scholarship. Too bad I was about ½ inch too short for New York but soon tired of mindless primping.
Got married at 20 on my birthday, not a great time to marry, too young and too influenced by the honored MRS. degree vs. getting the education I wanted. By 33, I wanted freedom and joined the 2nd Women’s Movement and was very active. Got out of that marriage and engaged in a 10 years “domestic partnership” with a person of another race and socio/economic background. Between the pairings I had 4 children. Left that and made-up time to have a postponed childhood and fun for a number of years. 3rd marriage of 4 (four) months was a rather short-lived mistake and have been single ever since.
Started a, to be, women’s international organization, sex education hotline, radio show, tv interviews started an international spiritual institute and now a non-profit for spiritual guidance and lived all over the place. The early pack up and move must have gotten to me. Still have the itch, though I love Las Cruces, but tamping it down as I'm not as mobile now. Without a proper bachelorette degree, I was a CFO, Corporate Secretary, Comptroller, Marketing & Advertising Consultant, Project Manager, Wedding Officiant, Instructor in Colleges, Entrepreneur, Author of 10 Books, Co-Founder of a Women’s Center at a University, and a few other jobs to make ends meet. All the other kids in the family were sent to college and what courses I picked up were mostly upper division and just couldn’t see the use of going back to get the needed 101-201’s. Got a Master’s Degree through my ministry and that sufficed.
Everywhere I lived as an adult, I’ve had wonderful experiences and made friends some of whom I’m still in touch with. Made one true life-long best friend who passed in 2010. And, lots of friends now passed or still living across the country. Loss becomes more and more and years rolls by. The sad state of affairs is that we spend gazillions to elect questionable leadership when all that money could be used to conquer disease and address mental health.
Definitely have had a lot of health challenges in the past year though seem to be turning corner with my new dietary regimen. Life is different for sure though still many rewards and lots of sunshine. Celebrated 1 year since my open-heart surgery in late October. Now focusing on my non-profit and enjoying the days. As Paul Newman said after 80, every day is a gift.
We are in such a hurry to grow up when we are young and never quite prepare with the challenges that come as these old cars wear down. Beam me up Scottie is yet a reality. I often told my four children that we have a very SHORT time to be children and a LONG time to be responsible adults! I unfortunately do not see my 9 grandchildren often enough so thank heavens for smart phones with apps to see them.
Do I have wisdom to share? Should I be so foolish as to offer it? Engage your life! Maybe we go around and reincarnation is real. Or maybe this is a one-shot deal. Keep dynamic, not static though it may seem more comfortable. As Woody Allen posited in Hannah in Her Sisters, maybe go around only once, maybe there is no god, but wouldn’t you want to enjoy the experience? YES, to that! And, when you get to the end of this life, wouldn’t you want to say that you enjoyed it and didn’t live it for someone else?
