Self-Love for Just the Way You Are

Self-Love or Self Loathing

By Rev. Amari Magdalena

If you remember Billy Joel's popular song, "Just the Way You Are," perhaps you wondered if you love yourself, just the way you are. For many, its the challenge of a lifetime.

Having been an accountant for many years, I learned early about “T” accounts.  Assets are on the left; Liabilities and balancing Owner’s Equity are on the right.  The left has to balance the right even if Owner’s Equity is negative.  Now in truth, the ideal balance sheet has a lot of assets and not too many liabilities with a positive owner’ equity.  And, so it is with our self-concept: important to recognize our assets while keeping our self-judgment and perceived liabilities under control for a positive balance.

We could also use the resume metaphor:  if we want to get the job, it is important that we put our best foot forward.  At the interview, we may be asked about our ‘shortcomings,’ and thus we need to be aware of any attributes that get in the way of our potential success for that company.

And, so it is with our self-perceptions; we can love or loathe ourselves, our choice. Which brings up this important topic.  How much do we love ourselves?  Every single person on the planet has innate gifts and also talents.  All of us also have some things that get in our way.  The recognition of both is often colored by external messages from childhood to our present adulthood.  Too many messages of deficits, may cause us to loathe more than like ourselves.  Too many messages of unearned praise, on the other hand, can lead to false self-love or narcissism.

I believe that one of the secrets of life, is learning to come to balance.  Therein, I experience contentment and can more easily tackle the inevitable challenges that a life lived offer. That said, it can be a life work that many are unable to complete and thus, in reincarnation, return to work on. It is a choice once one becomes aware of it and begins to lift the veils of illusion.

Shamanic practice offers a lovely way to facilitate finding personal balance in love and ameliorate loathing, transforming it into non-judgment and desire toward acceptance of our foibles. The Four Agreements™ addresses important awareness’s for beginning the process.  Awaken Your Inner Personas: Transform Your Life*gives important tools for working with and ultimate transformation of inner balance.

My personal story was one of finding that balance and surrendering the Drama Queen story. I’d come through riding the peaks and valleys to finding that between space of peace. Almost every day I am aware of my inner judgments and have to pause and ask myself:  “Am I playing an old tape or is my judgment still valid.” If I find validity, I can then choose to change the behavior or thought, or simply laugh at its existence lovingly. 

I’m the Queen of Calm most of the time.  Under high stress I can be taciturn or very angry.  If no one is around, I may resurrect the old habit of throwing things across the room. Pointed expletives may be heard through thin walls at those times.  When I get through with my little tantrum and take time to breathe, I’m often found laughing heartily at my outburst.  In this way, I can live with my foibles without indulging in self-loathing.  

It is my belief that our purpose on the planet is to love; how we express our love, is our work. That work begins at our home within.  If we do that work with due diligence, we can than express our love through our innate talents and abilities and complete our life journey to service.

 In Toltec Shamanism there are three paths or lessons: Awareness, Transformation, and Intent.  The latter is the Service of Love.  Completing the transformation between Self-Love and Self-Loathing becomes paramount then for our individual happiness and the planetary evolution that is now ongoing.

Doing something each day to support loving yourself reaps great rewards in your life.  The first person you may greet in the morning mirror, is you.  Smile and say, “I love you just the way you are.”  And, the next letter you write, make it a love letter to the beautiful being that you are.

"I don't like myself, I'm crazy about myself." May West

"To love yourself right now, just as you are, is to give yourself heaven.  Don't wait until you die. If you wait, you die now.  If you love, you live now." Alan Cohen

"Love yourself unconditionally, just as you love those closest to you despite their faults."  Les Brown

"If you aren't good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you'll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren't even giving to yourself." 

Barbara De Angeles

*Awaken Your Inner Personas: Transform Your Life by Amari Magdalena.  Available in paperback and eBook on Amazon and book selling locations.