Pain: Finding Ways to Live with and through it.

By Rev. Amari Magdalena

Along this journey we call life, we will experience pain.  It may by physical, emotional, mental, or even spiritual.  In an average childhood, our pains may be simple scrapes and fall.  For some the pain may be quite emotional.  Some may experience mental pain from being different or having brains that function atypically from others. Spiritual pain may not be so prevalent in childhood though many people come to question the religious beliefs held by their parents.

With advancing age, I am discovering, physical pain may become an uninvited guest in a body that is succumbing to years of activity, dietary choices, and simple wear and tear.  Like our cars, parts do wear out over time.  Ancestry may be at play, climate, activities, and the unexpected become targets of our otherwise general good and earlier adult health.

Pain can be our friend, notifying us of a problem.  And, while that is a lovely philosophy, experiencing it and getting past it can be a challenge.  So, we could say, there is an upside and a downside of pain. Good that it lets us know something is amiss; not so good that we must find ways to live through it.

Personally, I’ve had pain at all levels since the early 90’s when my back required the first of several surgeries.  I’ve found ways to cope with that over the years.  Distraction was my best tool.  Hurt, do something else.  Move into a different mindset. Congratulate yourself for effectively implementing the Mind over Matter program.

That strategy held for many a year.  Often, there was another potent solution.  I found that whenever I entered a shamanic state of being while teaching, leading ceremonies, or healing others, my own pain completely abated during the sessions. Time out of mind helped.

In the past few years arthritis has grabbed a hold of me like a relentless vine.  It sneaks up in a damp climate like Japanese Kudzu that is enveloping the Southeast.  Like this plant, arthritis, spreads easily and everywhere proving triumphant against schemes to rid myself of it.  It’s humbled me and given me glimpses of severe pain that many people suffer every day with this and other health maladies.

So how does one live with this?  I can only speak for myself.  In the meantime, and the between times, I’ve come to appreciate more pain free days much more.  It forces me to be very present and live more in the now.  A good day is a Hallelujah celebration.  A not so good day, a testament of resolve to retreat, take time off, and gather strength to move through it.  Sometimes I talk to the pain to understand what warning signs it is offering me. I can affirm that this too shall pass, which I do often.

I don’t believe we can ‘walk in another person’s moccasins’ on the issue of pain.  What we can do, is be a bit more sensitive to the person experiencing it. We can hold off on recommending endless remedies and actually listen to the person and express our sorrow that they are experiencing it.  We can offer whatever help they may need.  We can give a heartfelt hug. Ultimately, we can speak up about the abysmal condition of healthcare in our country and the failure of medicine to find cures for the diseases that have garnered wealth for Big Pharma.  We can become advocates.

My siblings and I often wondered what happened to our joyful Mother who was so playful when we were growing up and became harsh, critical, and difficult.  Sadly, I now know that she became somewhat embittered by her trial of pain. I surely hope that in the wondrous ethers of weightlessness and consciousness, she is a Light being again.  I can affirm that I will not succumb to bitterness.

For those of you reading this who are in pain, I extend my deepest sympathy and empathy. I hope you will be relieved of this burden.  I extend an affirmation that non-damaging relief will meet you on the road to improved health. I send you my blessings and love.  For those reading this who are not in pain, I hope you have gained a bit of perspective.  For all, may you discover the Being underneath and reach enlightenment.

“The struggle of my life created empathy.  I could relate to pain, being abandoned, having people not love me.”  Oprah Winfrey

“To know yourself as the Being underneath the thinker, the stillness underneath the mental noise, the love and joy underneath the pain, is freedom, salvation, enlightenment.”  Eckart Tolle

Allowing Ourselves to be Known

by Rev. Amari Magdalena

At a CSL service recently the director talked about respect. A lot of the talk was focused on our inner beings.  Words like honor, admiration, esteem, praise, homage, etc and trust came up.  Holding communities in respect was also a topic of discussion.  Somewhere in the talk, she mentioned “allowing ourselves to be known” and that illuminating bulb, that had become somewhat dimmed, went off in my inner knowing.

It got me assessing my own ability, or lack thereof, of allowing myself to be known at that deeper level of vulnerability.  A lot of people in my life believe they know me, at least the public me. The private me is very little known. I can see now that fact was the destruction of many of my intimate relationships.  That malady was due to trust! This is going to be a much more intimate blog, it seems. My intention is for it to perhaps spur any others, who are little known, to trust coming forward—out of isolation if you will.

If you understand childhood psychology, trust is built in the first two years.  The adult ability to be vulnerable is built on that early trust.  If you trust your early caretakers, you will most likely grow to trust others and then yourself.

From 4 to 10 months of age, my mother left me with my paternal grandparents while she moved to another state to pursue my father. He left to find better opportunities than those available in a small, insular, Michigan town. He wanted a more expansive life. Being tied down to mother and child were not in his life plan at that time of his emotionally immature twenties.  She was hell bent on forcing marriage and parenthood on him at any cost.  Not the best of motives for building a family.

When he could not escape her, or the subterfuge she created to trick him into marriage, he joined the Marines.  It was World War II and all good men were jumping on the good ship save Europe.  Mother returned for me and was forced into the workforce.  Babysitters became my substitute mother before age 2.  Mother then divorced my father and married my stepfather when I was 2 1/2. A new life began for me. They even changed my last name. My own father was kept from me, throughout my childhood by my mother and stepfather who manipulated him into allowing my adoption.

Being a stepchild is not an easy life in many cases.  Four children were born of that marriage and I became the half-sister.  Cut off from my own father by jealousy and revenge, I spent the next 17.5 years mourning over my situation as a round peg in a square hole. If I dared to mention my father, I was immediately shut down either with stories of his nonfeasance, or gratitude I should have for a stepfather. Though perhaps well meaning, I was constantly reminded of how I came to the new family and how lucky I was to be accepted. Yet, I wasn’t. 

Sensitive children absolutely know when they don’t fit in and grief becomes a lonely endeavor that is the hard shell around their innermost feelings of acceptance. Add to that, not looking much like the siblings, yet sworn not to reveal my origins, fostered isolation. The family dysfunction and violence compounded things by being forced to adhere to the oath that “what happened in the house, stayed in the house.” Secrets were a way of life which in turn developed into a lifelong hesitancy to ever just be the essential me.

I was thinking a lot about this as the director addressed respect and trust.  I could feel the many, many situations in which I hold back and keep myself somewhat separate.  Separation has been my safety. If I don’t open the flood gates and keep the rising emotional rivers sand bagged, no harm can come.

One of my lifelong refuges has been intellectualism and numbers. I could stay in my head’s safety and numbers add up.  While my creative side finally got expressed, and I did a lot of work to access feelings, there was/is still that invisible barrier to anyone getting too close.  It is like being in a room of people and you are always sitting slightly apart from everyone.  You become the proverbial island unto yourself. Islands aren’t moored as securely as most solid land masses.  They drift, sometimes float, and occasionally just disappear. 

As I sat that day in my separate island, I realized that it is about time that I allowed myself to be known!  Not as a commodity or title, as a deeply human emotional being.  In the song Something So Right are words: And, I got a wall around me that you can’t even see, takes a little time to get next to me.”  Time, I think to let someone get next to me! I hope you too, who are living behind that protection wall, will decide to crack its surface, and allow some people in!  Past time to allow ourselves to be known!

“I spent a lot of years trying to outrun or outsmart vulnerability by making things certain and definite, black and white, good and bad. My inability to lean into the discomfort of vulnerability limited the fullness of those important experiences that are wrought with uncertainty: Love, belonging, trust, joy, and creativity to name a few.” Brene Brown

“Loving can cost a lot but not loving always costs more, and those who fear to love often find that want of love is an emptiness that robs the joy from life.” Merle Shain Author “Some Men are More Perfect Than Others.”

“There can be no vulnerability without risk; there can be no community without vulnerability; there can be no peace, and ultimately no life, without community.” M. Scott Peck

Version II

When Not to Help Others

Rev. Amari Magdalena

Most of you reading this are innate helpers.  You care deeply about others, are empathetic, and a natural helper/healer.  What a gift you have!  How wonderful that you can offer yourself in service to others in your unique way.  So your asking yourself when is the ‘but’ coming or why is there a problem with this. My answer is timing and request.

This is a tough one for many of us, me included.  I was so often problem solving in my kids lives that I’ve often been informed by them that they are adults. I’ve had to learn to listen better when they share, not respond with my similar story, and only then, ask if they would like to hear a suggestion. Of course, preparing for the answer that they may not want my suggestion.

I’ve observed the help issue in many situations lately with some of my metaphysical friends.  As I reacted to unsolicited help, expertise, or unwanted divination with some degree of irritation, I thought it time to talk about it.  Why would I react away from help?  Because, I only needed an ear, not a solution.

I believe that what will ultimately heal humanity is when social/emotional environments are created in which people feel fully independent, empowered, and capable of handling their lives. In other words, that evolved human can say to themselves as issues arise, “You got this babe!”  The reasoning behind my belief is that when we are too dependent on others to solve our problems, we don’t own the results. Thus we always perceive ourselves as less capable, able, etc.

When we jumped to problem solving for others without giving them time to reflect, absorb, comes to terms with, etc., we can cause psychic and emotional harm.  Oh, yes, we intended for good but missed the mark. My question is, did we ask you?  No. When you jumped in with your solution, did we feel listened to?  No. When you consulted your own guides instead of giving us space to consult our own, why did we shrug you off? It was interference, plain and simple.

Well intentioned you may have been, I totally understand that.  It’s also possible that at some unconscious level, you were playing a little one-upsmanship. We can often get so full of ourselves we forget the source of our healing talents-Spirit. When I follow guidance, all is well.  When my ego gets in the way, no good comes of it.

I’ve been a Reiki Master for 25 years and a Shamanic Healer for almost 30.  If there is anything I’ve learned along the way, it is to get the hell of the way so Universal Life Force Energy can use you as a channel.  I had the wondrous experience of positively transmitting energy to heal burns, shoulder displacement, breast cancer tumors, gallstones, ovarian cancer, chemo aftereffects, troubled pregnancies, paralysis, tendon tears, hiatal hernias, psychological issues, anxiety, trauma etc.  And, I know without a doubt, I am the vehicle not the source.

When people have come to me for healing, the first thing I ask is: “Are you ready to be healed?” This is to make them a partner in the process.  I often spend time in a platica (heart talk) to discuss contributing factors like diet, stress, relationships etc. before we do the actual hands on work. I’m prone to giving homework to people so that clients can make claim to their own healing.  If this isn’t integrative medicine, I don’t know what is.

But I digress.  It is a wonderful thing when people reach out to help us when we are faced with an illness.  The feeling of having people who care is immeasurable. That said, please take time to truly hear the person and support all the emotions they may be having over a disagreeable diagnosis. * Give them space to cogitate, ruminate, and masticate the situation.  Trust that they have consulted their own inner physician for information. When they ask, oh Yes, show up. If I ask for a little energy or prayer on FB, I am very grateful that you are willing to do that and care. And, I will ask!  I’m in hopes you will also ask me.

Be the help that is invited, and you will be providing an amazing service. Know the right moment and you’ll have loving, devoted friends forever.  They’ll love that you gave space and then showed up when the team (tribe) was called in. Then, and only then, will you serve to uplift and carry out your service.

"When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed." Maya Angelou

"It's impossible to hold up the banners of victim and victory at the same time." Lysa TerKeurst

"Be helpful but don't allow others to depend on you too much.  Help by teaching them how to help themselves."

*One exception is when the person is unconscious or unable to respond. In that case, the family may ask for your healing help.

What Our Bodies Are Telling Us

By Rev. Amari Magdalena

We get sick or have an injury at different times in our lives.  In youth, we often more physically resilient and easily overcome.  As decades cascade over the waters of our lives, recovery capacity changes.  Most of us, I believe, feel we are much younger than our biological ages.  We may look in the mirror in amazement at the aging person viewed yet are content that inside we know we are much younger than that silly reflection.  Denial has a way of eventually catching up with us.

Some of the illusion may be OK.  I’ve been told for years that I look younger than my true chronological age.  Flattering that can be.  Enough ‘cover-up’ and we’d all look a bit more youthful.  Heaven knows the media slathers us with potions promising eternal youth in massive doses daily.  Even science tells us our cells are being made new all the time.  We are encouraged to deny the very process of generation, degeneration and regeneration.  So my question is, why then are we aging?”

I posit this question as I’ve faced a Winter of My Discontent with repetitive injuries and illnesses. Not in my plan, I think.  How inconvenient!  As I am forced to cancel event after event and absent myself from the general populace, I lift my head and shout, “ WHY!?!”  What genetic trickster is at play in my life that is impeding my good health?

Now I can hear, “it’s all in your head!”  This is followed by, “stinkin thinkin.”  And, I get it that our minds DO indeed have an impact over our overall health.  Yet, physical plan in all the kingdoms that I have observed, includes birth, acceleration, decline and death.  Doesn’t seem to be any escape. So my greater question, is what our bodies are telling us.

My message of several years has been, “slow down”.  Now it appears to be” slow the f…… down.”  Seems to be the “Upside Your Big Head” Cosmic whack that is informing me that the days of adrenal overdrive are over. My inner drive for accomplishment was early on cemented in my consciousness by parents who wanted “A” report cards brought home.  Now those folks are long gone yet their message lingers. 

So what is the pain, loss of mobility and breathing issues about, I ask myself?  Metaphysically they represent certain truths.  As you might also ask yourself when confronted by lingering health issues.  When I’m willing to take time for the answers, they are plain.  Pain signifies that something isn’t resonating-place, people, circumstances, economics, etc. Mobility, easy peasy, slow down.  Breathing a bit more complicated but knowable; feeling contracted, not expansive.

Physically there are also answers, if I care to listen.  Pain, stress simply stated.  Mobility, long list of injuries from activities not suited to my physicality. Breathing, growing up in a world of heavy smokers.  The latter most affected my late sister and me.  Everyone in our world smoked.  Finally, the body, like any vehicle with a lot of miles on it, wears out.  Some parts are replaceable; some not.

Emotionally, the answers may come from more past release work.  I’ve for many years felt that those of us with problematic childhoods have dragged a hidden ball and chain through life.  At times, we’ve perhaps cut off part of the chain or shortened it, yet it’s still there.  Energetically we still hold past experiences.  Many are saying we also hold DNA of the ancestors.  Many tools are available for finally cutting through the chain and tossing the heavy ball back into the nothingness from which it came.   Soul Retrieval, Past Life Regression, Body Work, to name a few are currently available.  Not affordable?  Barter. I admitted to my youngest son recently, that I still have cords to cut.

The ultimate answers for me, and perhaps you, are to LISTEN.  Stop pushing the envelope, start giving yourself breathing room, quit trying to prove yourself and your worth, maybe just enjoy the process of being-in all states of living. Get help if necessary. Return to those things that make you happy.  Trust yourself to find your more perfect place to live. Before it is too late, embrace BEING and surrender DOING!  And, importantly, thank this body for the journey!

What concepts!  Am I ready?  Are you?  It’s a pretty short ride all told, wouldn’t it be better to enjoy it and quit trying to navigate rapids?  I’d declared that my goals in life are now Ease and Grace.  Must be time to manifest those wonderful intentions!!

"It's also helpful to realize that this very body that we have, that's sitting here right now...with its aches and it's pleasures...is exactly what we need to be fully  human, fully awake, fully alive." Pema Chodron

"I finally realized that being grateful to my body was key to giving more love to myself." Oprah Winfrey