Having the Last Word

By Rev. Amari Magdalena

Something I’ve observed lately on social media, got me thinking.  I’m sure we’ve all done this in days when having the last word seemed to be about our opinion being most correct in conversations.  I find myself pondering and looking through the lens of my own past.  Sure enough, there was a time when I wanted to have the last word.  Perhaps because I wanted to win; perhaps I thought my view was more correct.  In hind sight, it is challenging to remember the reason. I simply acknowledge and wish to be aware of not perpetrating that tendency.

We are living in very divisive times. I doubt anyone will argue with that.  True communication and building bridges of understanding are often elusive.  I’ve seen that in my own FB posts.  Even when I’ve said that I honor someone’s truth and wish for them to honor mine, someone will have to have the last word in disagreement.  Perhaps it is softly stated; perhaps not. With it brings an argument of sorts and validation goes begging.

Yet it got me thinking about this thing of winning.  I vaguely remember a concept of New Games which passed through in the late seventies as a non-competitive way for everyone to win.  There was discussion about the importance of win/win vs. win/lose experiences. The athletic application found its way into popular psychology and communication I’m OK/Your OK strategies. As all trends do in time pass, New Games faded into the nothingness from which the concept arose.

In the recesses of my mind, I seem to recall some later discussions about the concept that not everyone can win and we need to embrace disappointment and loss. The pendulum was swinging wildly while many people pondered what was the best way to handle difference of opinion and beliefs. Even more theories were extolled. Enter it’s all about me and entitlement and poof, integration of concepts and ideas on communication flew.  In some corners babbling was evidenced.

This brings me to the present moment in time and the question of what to do about this need to have the last word.  Perhaps we might offer more epilogues in our exchanges; leaving an openness to new possibilities, a potential for a series etc.  Maybe we just need to learn more about validation.  Ultimately, we need to learn to be better listeners without agendas, I feel.

One indigenous tradition that might be of great value would be the Talking Stick.  Whether it is to be a physical stick passed in a group or perhaps an emoji to use in our discussions it might help us surrender the need to win at a communication.  The answering feather emoji could be passed on when the talking stick recipient was ready for an exchange.  A further emoji might be developed to see a circle that has ended on a discussion and that those that wanted to contribute did from the “I” own my feelings and acknowledge that you, and me and we, do not always have to agree to have a genuine exchange of ideas.

Finally, we might have a Teepee emoji to invite all participants in the discussion to come up with ideas and solutions to the original sharing of what was a seemingly unattainable consensus.  We could beta test the concept and then present it to our town halls, Sunday salons, social and political groups or in any situation where division is causing undue anger and angst. 

The essential point is that if we are to survive as a people on the planet, we do need new ways of talking and listening to one another, without an agenda that leaves one side potentially feeling less or put off.  We need to learn to listen without the need to immediately respond. Surrendering the interruption habit would be another consideration (we ADD folks are so gifted at that 😊).  And we need more quiet contemplation with our higher intelligence seeking to provide us with insight into how to mend the divisions and start constructing those bridges.

In the beginning our bridges may be made of fragile straw.  Hopefully in the future, we’ll find more permanent materials for them. Build we must.

“There are some people who could hear you speak a thousand words, and still not understand you. And there are others who will understand — without you even speaking a word.” ― Yasmin Mogahed

Consideration

By Rev. Amari Magdalena

We live in a populous world.  In cities of large to medium size, we are often bumping into one another, crashing at time like the movie Crash depicted.  Were those bumps gentle and warm, perhaps there would be less anger and violence. As it stands today, they are often far from that. This combined with the mentality of personal space and quest for new lands, has had a negative impact on our small planet.

This awareness got me to thinking about consideration.  In the era that I was raised, consideration was taught to us every day.  Manners were instilled in us to always be aware of our behavior and treatment of others.  If we visited family or friends houses for an overnight to more, we were lectured on eating what was in front of us and being respectful to our hosts.  We did not leave our ‘stuff’ all around their home.  Expectation was always trumped by thoughtfulness and consideration of others.  Entitlement, Mon dieu, hardly!!

When we look at the definition of consideration, it is about kindness, and thoughtful regard for others.  The word comes from Latin for “contemplate.”  Hidden in the word is “sid”, the Latin root for “star.” Originally it meant to examine things carefully as if you were staring at the sky in the night contemplating its mystery.

One of the reasons that I became attracted to earth-based spirituality (shamanism) was that consideration was given to all life forms.  There was a deeply inculcated philosophy of honoring Mother Earth and giving thought to all things on the manifest earth.  When one walked “a good red road,” that person was being thoughtful and considerate.

So what happened and why are we observing so little consideration of our fellow beings on the planet today?  I believe this may be, in part, why some people want a return to the 50’s–a perceived time of innocence and order.  That is certainly understandable, given that the 60’s brought in the proverbial “throw the baby out with the bath water” time of upheaval.  What might have happened instead of dissolving cultural milieus, would have been the incorporation of some of the good aspects of the old in concert with the new.

Where does that leave us today?  Capable of changing things, as always.  If each of us commits to upleveling our consideration quotient from this day forward, we’ve a much better chance of creating a peaceful, compassionate, loving world.  If we make simple choices, in all areas of our impact on the manifest world and its energies, we will indeed be co-creators of an evolution for good.  As the Hopi prophesies stated, we are the ones we’ve been waiting for, so time to get up, show up, and wisen up.  Like the unfolding Lotus, let us each see our own consciousness opening layer by layer to the awareness of how our actions impact others.

"If we were to make a conscious and frequent effort of treating others with consideration, the effects on us and our society as a whole would be amazing."  Henry Charles Link.

This is the Day!

By Rev. Amari Magdalena

“This is the Day,” Graham Dashwood declares, in The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, as he realizes that he’s through leading a life whose end game is not one he wishes to play.  Do you ever feel like you have a starring role in someone else’s life?  Are you aware that you are living roles of expectations that family, friends, lovers, employers and societal edicts have dictated? Have you wondered where you, your authentic self, has disappeared to?

We are living in fast moving and often precarious times.  Change is upon us with increasing demands on our mental, physical and emotional natures.  Many of us have had to wear a lot of hats to meet the demands of our different roles.  Perhaps we’ve felt like quick change artists in a play with many cumbersome costumes.  More likely a bit of us may have been lost along the way. We have mastered doing at the expense of being.

Yet some internal message we are receiving in the deep recesses of our minds, speaks to us. Its message may be soft or very loud. Basically it may be asking “where is my spirit.”  Where is that essential me?  Am I anywhere near fulfilling my dreams and living in concert with the real me? Will I just go on in over-drive until this little vinette I call my life is over?

When we get caught up in the doings of life, we often loose the magic that it truly represents. We are born because we chose to incarnate, to acquire this flesh and blood body.  Our life script is influenced by our early caregivers and takers and a plan for spiritual growth that is perhaps beyond our human imagining.  Each of us has a specific purpose in being here. Our soul wishes that we will realize our purpose and accomplish our mission. In between our birth and death, we are gifted time and experiences towards that end.

Though it may not always be apparent I believe we are actually here to enjoy this ride. Oh, maybe not every day, though we might choose that attitude.  Certainly we are not incarnate to be punished or ‘do time’ for our supposed past life regressions.  I feel we are here to have the full body experience in every possible way.  Along the way, hopefully we are also staying in tune with our eternal spirit and fostering its growth.

What I do know to be true, this nearly three quarters of a century down life’s highway, is that each day is a gift.  When we choose to be more present in the moment, we can experience gratitude for this wondrous gift; we can choose to life actively, magnificently, and dynamically. No matter the external circumstances, tugs and pulls, we can each declare, “today is the day!” We can embrace the day and surrender living the lives others dictate for us.  In our declaration, we can find our authentic self who knows how we can fulfill our dreams with whatever time is afforded us.

Perhaps you are saying to yourself, sure it’s that easy, not!  She doesn’t know the stresses I’m under or understand my circumstances.  Who is she to say this?

What I will share with you is that I’ve been through the hell of life.  I’ve been at the edge of giving up.  At 47 I was so close to early exit that each day was precarious.  One day in rainy, cloudy, dark Seattle the sun shown.  I was out laying in the sun.  The warmth on my body caused me to totally relax.  I heard birds joyfully singing.  In that very moment, I came to a realization that I could capture more moments like that and turn my life around. I could choose heaven on earth.  That realization moved my life towards embracing each day and following my dreams.

What I wish for each of you reading this, is a moment in which you make an active choice to embrace life and declare, “This is the Day”!  That you quit living your life for and through others and recognize that at the end of your life hopefully you lived your life for you.  Trust me, others will appreciate that much more than you losing your special Divine Spark to please them. And, you will lead a life that you enjoy and are grateful for.

“You think this is just another day in your life. It's not just another day. It’s the one day that's given to you today. It's given to you. It's a gift. It's the only gift that you have right now and the only appropriate response is gratefulness.”  Louie Schwartzberger

[53 Past Blogs are in my book "Shaman Talk" available in softcover and ebook on Amazon.com]

Intolerance

By Rev. Amari Magdalena

Intolerance, defined as “unwillingness or refusal to tolerate or respect opinions or beliefs contrary to one’s one.”   It’s Latin basis: “in” for not; “tolerantem” for to bear, or endure. Seems, to me, to be a lot of that floating around these days especially on the social media sites.

We all have our opinions and beliefs.  Some are shaped by our life experiences; some by exposure to belief systems that we particularly resonate with.  Opinions and beliefs are valuable to the extent that our ego investment in them doesn’t allow for a change of mind or awakening to the new.  They become a problem mostly when we are disrespectful to those opinions and beliefs of others not in concert with ours.

Lately there has been major intolerance regarding the political debacle that we are witness to in this election year.  Another cyber world example of intolerance is regarding food-vegan, vegetarian, omnivore, etc.  Public breastfeeding is yet another example of polarized opining. Global warming or climate change, yet another.  Transgender use of bathrooms; another hot button. So many areas of disagreement. The issue is not necessarily about our personal views on any of these subjects rather our lack of respect for views that are 180 degrees from our cherished opinions.

Many spiritually based people hold a precious view of a world that works for everyone, these days.  Much is said about bringing everyone on board to express their particular gift or talent and find appreciation in so doing.  The word Peace probably has exponential hits or clicks every day.  Yet it’s all just empty words unless we are willing to extend respect to those who differ with our opinion, beliefs, views. 

As I’ve been contemplating this blog for a week or so, I have become painfully aware of my own areas of intolerance.  I’ve found myself observing something that doesn’t resonate with me and a judgment or intolerance floating across my mind.  To remedy this, I’ve turned my negative judgment around and found a way to express the thought in a more positive vein.  Perhaps there is something I may learn by what I am witnessing; or possibly it will give more credence to holding my belief with more reverence.  Yet R.E.S.P.E.C.T. is required if I am to move past intolerance and judgment.

Aretha socked it to us in her famous song.  It may be time to revisit its wisdom. “Ain’t gonna do your wrong.”  Catch that last word, wrong.  When we are intolerant, judgmental, and make the other person wrong, there is no possibility of respect–let alone peace making.   Respect too has Latin origins: respicere (see respect (n.). Meaning "treat with deferential regard or esteem."

Can you imagine a world in which we greet people “I esteem you?”  Possibly it is a better greeting than Namaste because it truly says that I/we/you honor the person in front of us and not just the spirit within. And that, my friends, is what I truly believe is necessary for us to create a world that crosses all lines of division: ethnic, creed, religion, culture, age, sexual orientation, etc. 

If I want to know what makes you tick, I can only find that out by being willing to listen to you, truly listen and pay you due respect.  For example, my oldest son is politically my polar opposite in allegiances.  Yet, I learn something every single time that we have an in depth discussion about his beliefs.  I discover that some of it does in fact resonate; some does not.  I know that if we had more flexibility in our body politic of the moment, this kind of listening could only strengthen platforms by incorporating doable ideas that potentially serve all of the people. 

Discussions about food could take on a different tone.  Instead of shaming and blaming, vegans and vegetarians could share their personal stories of increased health and energy.  Politicians could choose broader platforms that address a broader brush of their constituency.  Climate change could be opened up more for discussion without so much human shame and blame.  Breastfeeding and human sexuality would have their due if we were willing to explore our deeper feelings about our bodies and their function.  The growing LGBT community could be viewed with compassion for their deep struggles in societies that hold more concrete beliefs on what is ‘normal’ and not in human sexual  behavior.

We are birds of many feathers and hues; each one of us. By becoming more and more aware of respect, esteem, and tolerance, I believe we’d have a much better chance of creating a world community of love and compassion.  I’m committed to working on my areas of intolerance.  I invite you to have that “Come to Jesus” moment yourself and learn to give what you wish to receive; R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

[53 Past Blogs are in my book "Shaman Talk" available in softcover and ebook on Amazon.com]