by Rev. Amari Magdalena
In this lifetime
we will have many experiences of opposites. We will experience separation, the
very thing we chose to experience as we left the oneness and assumed a human
body. These experiences will be realized on physical, emotional, mental and
spiritual levels. We will have highs and lows, joy and sorrow, jubilation and
depths of despair. Our landscape of family, friends, and relatives will come
and go. If we are very fortunate to have a long life, we may come to understand
how these opposites complement our lives. In fact, we may not be able to
experience joy without the contrast of some sorrow. Grace of age can help us
finally understand all that we’ve taken in and left off.
Approaching 85,
I’ve come to a greater peace than I knew in the tumultuous teens and early life
as I sorted out who I was and what I came here to do. Frankly, no one could pay
me any large sum of money to go through the teen years again. At times, I do wonder
how on earth I got through my teens. I still have faint scars on my wrists from
trying to take an early exit. Later I came to realize that I was a drama queen
and indeed fed on those high highs and low lows. They fueled a huge part of my
younger days until I surrendered them.
Should you have a
long life, you will experience loss. The parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts
and uncles, cousins, best friends, lovers, teachers, and all those people that
so influenced our lives will be gone at some point in time. And we will miss
them, some terribly. Mementos and pictures will remind us from time to time
when they were central to our lives. Goodbyes will become normalized at some
level.
I’ve lost a
mother, two fathers, 11 grandparents, one sibling, cousins, a grandchild, one
child, 2 husbands, my very best friend and 2 close friends, a few lovers, and
beloved others. I realized that we all have a number out in the ethers of time.
When our number is called, we too will be history to others who hold us dear.
Like magic, one day someone who has been a huge part of our lives will
magically exist no more. I realized that with one of the deaths.
So how do we cope
as people leave us. How can we redirect our attention to things that still
bring us joy and pleasure during great grief. For me the solution has been to
seek great beauty at such times. I may choose to focus on beautiful art in my
home. Perhaps I will take a drive to the mountains. In walking days, I may have
hugged a tree (including very carefully a big Saguaro Cactus). Going to ancient
ruins or sites can bring joy. Getting up to see the sunrise on the East Coast
or the sunset on the West Coast over water. Holding my loved one in remembrance
with candles, pictures, and ceremony also gives me pleasure. Simply being in nature
is extremely healing.
One day we will
return to the oneness. As we traveled into the depths of the birth canal to
light and welcoming, we will travel in another tunnel to a commanding light and
see our most loved ones luminous and inviting. The circle will be complete.
Beyond that lies our next adventure and we will again be in that place we’ve
longed for, Home!
“We never lose
our loved ones. They accompany us; they don’t disappear from our lives. We are
merely in different rooms.” ― Paulo Coelho
“What we
enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose, for all that we loved deeply
becomes a part of us.” ―
Helen Keller
Death said to
life: “why do people hate me and love you? “Life said : “because I'm
a beautiful lie and you're a painful truth “ ― Author unknown
"Given a
choice between grief and nothing, I'd choose grief." ―William Faulkner
