Writing through my life, I am remembering love, the romantic kind. Oh, the highs and lows of that commodity, often leaves us empty in ways that are perhaps never again fulfilled. Yet, the very essence of the love will always be in my heart. So, there is no real lasting loss.
Perhaps if people better understood that falling in love with someone is due to the wonderful reflection of us seen in the lover's eyes. I do know the more lasting love is the kind that happens when you finally see each other and learn to love the whole spectrum of the person-the good, the bad, the ugly etc.
Honestly, in my growing up, I never saw a truly loving relationship. My aunts on my mother's side all tolerated their husbands but did not respect them. My mother was the same though more covert and overt about her feelings. One grandfather seemed to have a loving, good relationship though the others seemed trapped. Even in my teens I was writing about being sucked into the conformity of marriage while mostly I wanted escape and adventure.
It's taken until my eighth decade to understand the effect of being pushed by some expectations and fantasies into believing that marriage was love everlasting. It may be in actuality yet not the romantic courtship of my imagining. I saw it as having to surrender too much of self and it took too many years to resurrect that hard fought self.
Admittedly, I did have two great loves that I still think of often. Looking back now, the first was a magnificent obsession; the second closer to true love. I'm so glad I had that experience and treasure the memories. I do recognize that they would never have worked out, in the end. And, happily they've both had long marriages since.
So much to learn in this life that I so value the time to recognize and understand this thing we call love. I've also learned about every kind of love and so appreciate that many, many ways to give and receive it are available.
Love, the very essence of our souls. I certainly hope you've all are or have experienced it. Eros, Filia, Ludus, Pragma, Agape, Philautia, and Storage.
Love, love, love. Do.
© 2022 Amari Magdalena
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