Who Do We Trust?

  

By Rev. Amari Magdalena

Erik Erikson believed that trust is developed from birth to 18 months. During this stage, the infant either comes to view other people and himself or herself as trustworthy or comes to develop a fundamental distrust of his or her environment. Trust is defined as a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.

As we move through infancy, early, middle, and later childhood into adulthood, trust may become an issue in our interrelationships. If the initial trust was broken in the earliest developmental stage it may take considerable therapy to learn trust.

Early broken trust leads, in shamanic shields terms, to a skewed South Shield.* The untrusting child carries that lack into each relationship in hopes that somehow magically, the other person will help them overcome their trust issues. In essence, they are looking for that compensatory partner. Of course, the rising dissolution of these relationships speaks to this issue.

When you may hear someone saying: “I just don’t trust anyone.” What they are truly saying is they don’t trust themselves sufficiently to even speak to trust of others. It’s a signal to any therapist or spiritual advisor that inner work is needed.

For an aware adult, that lack of trust may signal a need to develop and foster trusting themselves. Inner child work along with redirecting the North Shield and awakening the Nagual shields of West and East, can make a huge difference in healing basis distrust. This inner work was some of the most successful that I experienced with students and myself.

I was left with my grandparents from about 4 to 10 months. That helped me later understand why I was so attached to them. At the same time, the parental absence at such an early juncture, surely had its impact. There was no social media platform in those days to have us see missing persons in our lives. And written communications at such an early development stage didn’t have any meaning. I’m certain trust was broken.

Thus, I recognized my own need to develop adult trust. That can be done, with a lot of work. First one develops self-trust built on evidence that we can become reliable, truthful, and strong. As we assess and build more self-trust, we can then extend it to others.

At the same time, we need to attract trustworthy people and have some device for forgiving small lapses in trust. I’ve often said that compassion without discernment can be dangerous. That suggests that after we deal with the ‘me,’ we learn to deal with the ‘we,’ and then if we are most fortunate, we come to embracing the greater ‘us.’’ In actuality, that is part of our life work.

We may wish to develop markers of trust in new relationships. A European friend of mine observed how Americans almost instantly trust people rather than build trust over time. That instant trust and superficial bonding can lead to disappointments. In the romantic realm I once wrote a piece on 22 guides for Metaphysical Lovers to help people avoid the karmic macarena.

Discernment certainly comes into play if we are going to embrace and recognize another’s worth for inclusion in our emotional world. Our media often exposes us to such unrealistic pictures of romantic love that we may have incorporated delusional expectations about ourselves and other people’s worth.

The bottom line, is start building self-trust. Develop criteria for the types of people you’d value coming into your lives. Become trustworthy. Demand trustworthiness in all of your relationships. When that wounded inner child shows up, take some time to talk with him or her and see what old emotional issues are still unmet. Become the person that meets those needs and perhaps you will stop finding others and entrusting them with your basket of unmet emotional needs to foster.

Trust is elemental. Our world has shown us many, many examples of misplaced trust on all levels. Yet ultimately it is up to us to discern what is and is not working for our emotional stability. Start with you. Become more reliable, trustworthy, and strong. When we have that inherent trust in self, others, and life, our lives become the heaven we seek.

“Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.” William Shakespeare

“Trust is the glue of life. It's the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It's the foundational principle that holds all relationships.” Stephen Covey

“Trust is built with consistency.” Lincoln Chafee

“He who does not trust enough, Will not be trusted.” Lao Tzu







*Awaken Your Inner Shields: Transform Your Life." by Amari Magdalena