On Loving

 

On Loving

By Rev. Amari Magdalena

I’ve been pondering love in my life, romantic love specifically.  We have so many “Somebody done someone wrong” songs and other laments about love lost.  Our music and many movies are filled with that theme.  They suggest loving hurts and it scars us when it doesn’t work out.

I’m going to suggest here, that is not true.  The real gift of love is that it opens and strengthens our hearts.  Yes, the relationship may end and perhaps not as we’d have it, but that is the relationship. The love we felt and gave to another never dies.  It is built into the reserve of our heart’s capacity to love. Loving empowers our ability to feel, deeply.

Yes, of course, there are infatuations that may experience brevity.  Even those short time, and perhaps illusionary exercises in extending love, expand the capacity.  Many years ago, I did an experiment with a man I was dating.  It was apparent to me in the very beginning that he was afraid to love.  I made a choice.  I decided and wondered what it would be like to love someone who couldn’t reciprocate. It turned out to be a grand experiment for about 9 months-a good gestation period. 

In that experiment I discovered that extending love was actually more important than receiving it. Wonder of wonders!  We tend to believe that it is in receiving love, that our heart grows.  Perhaps that is just not true.  We are hardwired to love; it’s built into our emotional quotient. It’s actually the very nature of the soul.  Thus, extending love brings us into alignment with the God spirit within.

I’ve been privileged to have two “great loves” in this earth experience and many smaller loves. To this day, I can recall the feeling of loving them and know that is a treasure to be valued.  Yes, the relationships did not survive the shifting sands of time yet those feelings were never snuffed out.

Of course, I went through all of the feelings of loss as I didn’t understand the whys.  I’ve learned in my nearing 81 years, that if we are very lucky, we’ve mastered The Game of Life. We’ve successfully moved from The Fool to The World and been given wisdom. What a gift!

If I had some wisdom here it would be to not build barriers around your heart that limit having had the experience of loving and being loved. Avoid “hiding your heart from sight and locking your dreams at night,” as the song goes. I’d also suggest experiencing deep love the type of love that survives the passage of time and leads us to truly know the other. And, further, I suggest learning to love yourself, unconditionally.  That latter type of love builds the base for future love that is complimentary not compensatory.

Love!  It builds your soul and helps us move into the ecstasy of cosmic oneness.

“A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.” – Thomas Carlyle “

“There is no remedy for love, but to love more.”– Henry David Thoreau